Michael Vick attempts to smuggle a chunk of resin onto airplane: stoner population shakes heads in disillusionment

News out of Florida today reports that Michael Vick (aka Ron Mexico to all you ladies out there) was stopped at Miami International Airport yesterday, for refusing to hand over a bottle of water to security. And apparently, the bottle had a strong smell of the ganj. I’m still not exactly sure what he was attempting to smuggle onboard, but here's what I read in a story on ESPN.com.

“The bottle was found to have a compartment that contained "a small amount of dark particulate and a pungent aroma closely associated with marijuana," a Miami police report said. The compartment was hidden by the bottle's label so that it appeared to be a full bottle of water when held upright, police said.”

OK, first off, you’re not supposed to bring bottles of liquid on airplanes anymore ever since that security scare last year, in which the FAA discovered that terrorists could mix substances on planes, and cause explosions. So right off the bat, Vick was ignorantly attempting to do something illegal, marijuana aside. But the fact that he brought attention to a bottle that he was attempting to smuggle weed in is so beyond rational thinking that I’m really starting to wonder what is wrong with this guy. Did he think he was MacGyver with this little special compartment that he whizzed up? Better question, how high off his ass was he when making it?

And from what it sounds like, “a small amount of dark particulate” most likely means that what he had was resin (burnt weed, for all you straight-edged readers). So that means that Michael Vick, traveling back to Atlanta where he probably has a weed supply similar to Uncle Scrooge’s money pool in Ducktales, smuggled a chunk of resin (which smells ten times stronger than fresh weed) onto an airplane in a water bottle, when the Poland Spring alone wouldn’t have made it on board. All I can say is…wow. This tops Damon Stoudamire as the stupidest NBA related crime of all time. For all of you who forgot, the current Grizzlies guard decided that the best way to smuggle over 100 grams of weed through an airport metal detector was to conveniently wrap it in aluminum foil, and stuff it in his North Face pocket. I wonder how Damon would have performed on the Wonderlic test.

While Vick hasn’t been charged yet, and the content of his mystery bottle could take over a month to determine (for reasons I have no idea why), this guy is really stumbling and fast. He’s underachieving on the field and getting into a bunch of really random law run-ins off of it. Vick, you need to straighten up and fly right, or some guy named Matt Schaub is going to take your job. He’s actually starting to make his brother Marcus look like the normal one, who I know best for giving porno tapes to under-aged girls and pulling a gun out on people in a McDonalds parking lot (classy). I really was a big fan of Vick’s early in his career, but it officially seems that all hope is lost in him. He simply does not have his head on straight.