12-3...

That's right, that's right. In my first week ever of picking winners in the NFL, I went an impressive 12-3 (with the exception of the Miami-Pittsburgh game, which was played before I wrote my column). I don't mean to brag, it's not like I'm trying to become Matthew McConaughey's character in "2 for the money" or anything. And I never really got that character anyway. I never envisioned someone who's an expert at betting football games to be a good-looking young guy who does push-ups in his boxers. To me, its more of a fat, balding guy who runs a betting pool at his brokerage firm, and owns league pass, while playing in 5 fantasy football leagues under the name "SuzyKolber fan69".

Speaking of fantasy football, my first week in that was not as impressive. It's not a good thing when two of the quarterbacks you've selected (in this case Jake Plummer and Drew Bledsoe) are the topic of every "which qb should be benched first?" segment on SportsCenter. I really hope it doesn't come to the point where I have to pick up some guy named Tony Romo in a couple of weeks (although I am a big fan of his ribs) because Bledsucks keeps throwing the ball directly into the hands of defenders. I swear he does it sometimes just to give that "I can't catch a break" look after going to the sideline, when it's obviously his fault.

Moving right along, Week 2 of the season is almost entirely made up of divisional match-ups, some will be good games (Giants-Eagles, Jets-Patriots) others should be blowouts (Bengals-Browns, Bears-Lions). I'm going to break down the NY teams playing this weekend, both playing their biggest rivals, and both in need of a win. The Giants case is obvious, they lost the Manning Bowl and do not want to give one up the Eagles, which would put them in the early season cellar of the NFC East. The Jets on the other hand won their Week 1 game, but against the lowly Titans. A win against Mangina's old battery mates (I don't know if I'm using that term correctly) would definitely make the Jets the talk of the town. Shit, it would make them the talk of the whole league. Lets go Jets!

Patriots at Jets (Patriots favored -6 "nigga please??")

Six points, eh? Well that's two field goals Mike Nugent probably won't hit, so who knows, it could be accurate. Seriously at this point, I rather have Ted Nugent handling extra points. He has long, limber legs that could definitely clear the uprights (and with that and the McConaughey comment, I've made my first two homo-erotic references of the season, and it's only Week 2). But screw the Jets kicker, this game has so many layers, that the whole "football being 90 percent (or something) mental" saying definitely comes into play. Lets break it down, shall we?

First off, these two teams are known for swapping coaches more than Fox is for swapping wives. It all started when Parcells left the Pats to coach the Jets in 1997 (New England, many people forget, went on to hire old Jets coach and current USC coach Pete Carroll). Then when the Tuna jumped ship, Bill "the traitor" Belichick performed some "dutch-door-action" on the Jets and left for the Pats (he resigned after one day, the coward). Throw in some jabroni named Al Grogh, and it's enough to make a sitcom out of. Mangina brings the coaching carousel full circle, by giving the Jets a piece of the New England Dynasty's infamous coaching staff.

While Gina had a sub-par year taking over for Romeo Cronell as defensive coordinator last season, his claim to fame was coaching the team's excellent secondary during their 3 Super Bowl runs. In the Jets week one win, they had 3 picks, and with a secondary made up mostly nobodies. Does this compute into Mangina being a pass defense guru? It's hard to say, Kerry Collins was playing quarterback.

This week they are going against Tom Brady, who didn't dazzle much in his debut either. A big problem with that may be the lack of his favorite receiving target, Deion Branch, which brings us to another one of the game's subplots. Earlier this week, the Pats had the nerve to file tampering charges against the Jets, who claim the team tried to lure him with trade talks without conferring with their (the Pats) front office. I can only imagine how much crazier it would be if Deion did sign with the Jets, and was in the lineup for this game. I could picture him scoring a touchdown, and Asante Samuel scissor kicking him in the face, while back-flipping his way back to the locker room. (Note, I have no knowledge as to any stealth ninja skills possessed by Asante Samuels. I just think he has a cool name).

So basically, this game should be a pressing one, physically and psychologically. The big question for me and every other Jets fan is "can Chad Pennington hold up." OK, he's talented, and his passing accuracy and determination is enough to make him compete. But I've said it before, and I'll say it again, his peripheral vision leaves a lot to be desired. If Chad keeps getting blindsided by two-man rushes, while his arm is in mid-swing, there's a good chance his rotator cuff will stop rotating, and this time for good. I want to have faith, but it's way too early. However, a successful game at home vs. New England will definitely help. I'm going to have to be a homer two weeks in a row, and say the Jets will have people talking on Monday morning, and not about Desperate Housewives, which is a very gay show.

Giants at Eagles (Eagles favored 3)

So, in a very entertaining game, which included a pretty sick and under-looked td by Plaxico, big brother conquered over little one. And I basically stated in last week's column that Peyton was still the premier quarterback, even though I picked the Giants to win. Looking back, I have no idea why I did that. I basically soaked Peyton's cork for about four paragraphs, and then said, "I'm gonna take the Giants." That's like the equivalent of macking a really hot chick at a bar, and doing a real good job at it, only to forget about her and drunkenly make-out with some ugly chick at the end of the night. It doesn't make sense. It's fucking stupid.

As for this game, I can tell I'm really going to hate picking Eagles-Giants games, and anyone who has watched them can understand why. The Eagles were realistically the most underrated team going into this season, as everyone forgot Donovan McNabb went to three straight conference title games before T.O. came to town. Plus, they have a solid "core," O-Line and defensive front seven. If Stallworth is a legit no. 1 receiver, and Westbrook could have a solid year as a combo-back, there is no reason why Philly can't rebound from their disappointing 05-06 year and win the division again.

Everyone says the NFC East is the best division in football, and I'm not positive it is. Look at the AFC North with the Steelers, Bengals and Ravens, who finally look to have their defense back to Super Bowl form. Of course you cant count at the high scoring AFC West, which has three teams all capable of winning the division, and is always a fight to the end. And if Tampa can rebound from their dismembering by the Ravens, you got to think the NFC South, with three elite defenses, and a last place team with Reggie Bush could be the conference's best team. So what does this leave the NFC East as? I'd say they're definitely the most "publicized" division in football, what with the TO saga, the Cowboys being "America's team," Dan Snyder's attempt to make the Redskins the salary-capped Yankees of football, and the G-Men, New York's favorite team...that plays in New Jersey.

In this division, I think success will truly be determined by quarterback play, which should have Dallas and Washington sweating early. The Cowboys have the potential to implode more than any of the teams, and the Redskins are underachieving big time with every pre-season move they make. So who does that leave at the top of the division? The Eagles and the Giants. And hey, they have good situations at quarterback, and solid defenses as well. Only with the Eagles, they have had a better track record of not choking when the postseason comes. Sure they lost three straight conference titles games, but the Giants lost in round one last year to the Panthers, and badly. I'm liking the Eagles this week to prove their NFC East dominance, setting up a probable all green Super Bowl. Yeah, that's right.

Rest of the week's picks:
Dolphins over Bills
Vikings over Panthers
Bengals over Browns
Bears over Lions
Colts over Texans
Saints over Green Bay
Ravens over Raiders (lock pick)
Falcons over Bucs
Seahawks over Cardinals
49ers over Rams
Denver over Kansas City
Chargers over Titans
Cowboys over Redskins
Jaguars over Steelers

WEEK 1 NFL PREVIEW: THE MANNING BOWL

Well, my first attempt to write a sports column went the wayside when I was overtaken with laziness, leaving the three people (my brother, Bunz and Ian) who read the damn thing without their weekly dose of witty Dan Israeli pop culture references. But the return of my favorite sports league, the NFL, has inspired me to return, and Im back with a vengeance baby!

I dont know why the most exciting NBA playoffs in recent times, the resurgence of my beloved Nye Mets or several ridiculous side stories (like Eddie Griffin driving drunk while masturbating and crashing his car) didnt inspire me to pen a column, but for some reason the start of a NFL season does. And this is especially interesting considering the fate of my NY Jets, whose offense is so pathetic, that in my recent fantasy draft, a white receiver (Matt Jones of the Jaguars) was taken before any member of Gang Green. In fact, none were taken at all. They will truly suck asscheeks this year when it comes to crossing the goal line, unless you count safeties, which Im predicting Chad will have six of this year.

Fantasy football has truly become my saving grace for the past two seasons, as it is a great way to add excitement to a league when your team will inevitably stink. And aside from taking Drew Bledsoe in the sixth round, I had a pretty sweet draft. (Dont sleep on DeAngelo Williams or Reggie Bush, they will both outshine their teams respective starters by mid-season).

So for my first column of the 06-07 season I will break down 4 noteworthy games of Week 1, as well running down the rest of my picks. To start things off, who are the Jets playing??

Jets at Titans (Titans favored 2.5)

The Jets opener is bittersweet in a way, as theyll be squaring off against former All-pro center Kevin Mawae, who will be a great factor in the budding career of Vince Young. However, the game also pits the Jets against one of 5 teams (Titans, Raiders, Browns, Packers and Niners) I think they have a realistic chance of beating this year. If the Jets can win their first game of the season, think about it...they have a realistic shot at going 1-15 on the year.

I hate bashing them so much, but I've pretty much lost all faith in Chad "I have worse depth perception than a blind/deaf premature newborn" Pennington, and he is playing with a young O-line (two rookies) and running-backs-by-committee (but, unlike New Orleans or Denver, our backs suck). Add to that a defense depleted by the loss of pass-rusher John Abraham, playing under a brand new 3-4 scheme. This may take some getting used to. Losing games, that is.

Still, I have to say I like what Eric "Mangina" Mangini is doing with the team. When you're as horrible as the Jets were going into this year's draft, it's always wise to start from the core up (D and O line) and the Jets definitely solidified the latter by picking up two All-American guys in Ferguson and Mangold. As for their new 3-man front on D, I can only hope it will work out, as it will depend mostly on Dewayne Robertsons success at nose tackle and Jonathan Vilma's conversion to inside linebacker.

Well this game preview basically served as a season preview for my Jets, but what can I say, its not a very interesting game to dissect. The Titans are filled with concerns too, and I really hope they swap Collins with Young at some point in the game to at least add to the excitement. Im going to take the Jets in this one, but it wont be pretty.

Falcons at Panthers (Panthers favored 5.5)

Well, Ive been saying it for a while now, but this season is it. When he first came into the league, I immediately bought Michael Vicks number 7 jersey, after watching him almost every weekend play for Virginia Tech (remains the only college football team I ever partially followed in my life). Then I stopped wearing the jersey because the neck-hole got really stretched out (due to my large cranium), and it started to look really fruity on me.

Well Vick is kind of like that fruity neck-hole. If he keeps stretching out (i.e. running and not passing for completions) he's going to wear out and become a bust in his career. I always loved him for his athleticism and game-breaking plays, but he always threw a nice td bomb in the mix to make me think he was working on his passing game. But after a promising second year in the league, he has since not amassed 3,000 yards, and is starting to throw as many picks as touchdowns. And he doesnt throw nearly enough touchdowns as it is.

As for Carolina, they are fueled by preseason hype, and are coming off a successful year without All-pro defensive tackle Kris Jenkins, who is hopefully back in form. The main storyline for this game is the trash-talk exchange between DeAngelo Hall and Steve Smith, in which the third year cornerback was stupid enough to call out a guy who killed it last year, and is best not provoked (see Chicago Bears in last years playoffs).

Smith wisely decided not to entertain Hall's smack talk, simply rebutting that "he's barking up the wrong tree," while adding that it was a "big ass tree." The game will depend a lot on Smith's availability, who is a game-time-decision due to not one, but two pulled hamstrings. So, Im going to make it simple. If Smith plays, Panthers win. If not, Im going to give the Falcons the early division lead. (Special note, if Smith plays even one down, Im going to consider it, so he better make it count.)

Bengals at Chiefs (Chiefs favored 2.5)

Hmm...I wonder how Herm Edwards will do in KC. Regardless, he's going to appear at the post game conference saying something like this, "I tell ya, I am proud of that football team. The success of our season will be determined by how many games we win, ya hear?" I swear Edwards is a modern-day John Madden. Ony he blabs out his common-sense sound bites with more confidence and attitude, making him look less stupid and more like a smooth talking black dude.

Am I mad he left the Jets out to dry? Not really. I think he was a good motivational coach, but I want a guru, along the lines of Bellicheck and Parcells, and Mangini is a product of their school of teaching. Kansas City is replacing one motivational guy with another, so I dont see a big upside or downside in their season. The bottom line is they are playing in a 3-way division, where strength of schedule and head-to head match-ups should determine the winner.

The outlook for the Bengals is more intriguing, who are coming off a great year that was shattered by the shattered ACL of Carson Palmer. Well he's back with a leg brace, and looked pretty on point in the preseason. So hopefully, and I say this because I really enjoy watching Cincy play offense, Palmer will continue his career injury free, and Chad Johnson wont have to cry watching Anthony Wright enter the huddle. The game is the second best match-up of the week, and Im going to have to pick the Bengals to tear apart a KC secondary that has proven nothing yet.

And finally, the best game of the week, and maybe in the history of mankind...

Colts at Giants (Colts favored 3.5)

Well this is definitely the first time I'm more excited for the Giants opener than the Jets, but how can you blame me? This game has all the makings of the greatest season opener in sports history, by pitting brother vs. brother, in a clash of two very exciting teams. While everyone is picking apart the Manning match-up, I for one found out that they will actually never be on the field at the same time, and decided to do something crazy...look at this game from a team vs. team perspective.

And these teams are pretty evenly matched. They both have great pass-rushers at each end of the D-Line (Strahan and Omenyiora vs. Freeney and Mathis), and great offensive attacks. But it would be ignorant to ignore Indy's running back situation; Edge is gone, and nobody seems to think a guy who has basically hit the ground running since his rookie year will affect the Colts with his departure. I know their line is good, but Rhodes and Addai did nothing in the preseason (78 yards on 38 carries). Cause for concern? I think so.

On the other hand the Giants have Tiki "Freaky Diki" Barber following a career year, and definitely with enough gas left for 2-3 more amazing seasons. The Giants will have a clear edge in the running game this Sunday night, a game that should see both qbs getting a lot of edge pressure. (By the way, how depressing are these new Tiki Barber-Curtis Martin McDonalds commercials? What were they thinking when the shot this? I am convinced they shot it before last years season, because I dont see how they could put two guys going in totally opposite directions of their careers in the same spot. I almost feel like Tiki is going to turn to Curtis at one point and ask him "Hey, are you retiring or what?" while Martin rebuts by smiling and taking a bite out of that chicken snacker thing theyre plugging.)

OK, I guess Ill touch on the Manning match-up briefly. Right now, I still think Peyton is leagues above his little brother, in how he produces and especially how he runs an offense. Peyton is the optimal playmaker in the league, while Eli is trying to imitate his game (spying defense coverage and calling audibles) but is simply not as successful. And if you want to compare their stats at the same point of their career, I'll negate their rookie seasons, and look at the ever-telling sophomore numbers for both guys (Peyton-62.1percentage, 4135 yards, 26 tds, 15 picks) vs. (Eli- 52.8, 3762, 24, 17). Nuff said.

Finally, Peyton, despite his off-season reputation, has that winning charisma that Eli also lacks. Hes a personable, funny guy, as noted by that new commercial where he wears a fake mustache and wig for no reason. Eli on the other hand is a bit slow. He's the type of guy who would watch one of those break-dancing groups on subway cars that do summersaults rolls down the aisle, and Eli would be spinning his head around, smiling with every rotation, clapping, while drool slowly rolled down his chin. (I shouldnt have typed that, I actually found out he had trouble learning how to read as a child). In any case, Im taking the Giants. Until next time.

Remaining picks for the week
Denver over St. Louis
New England over Buffalo
Baltimore over Tampa Bay
Seattle over Detroit
Philadelphia over Houston (Lock pick)
New Orleans over Cleveland
Dallas over Jacksonville
Chicago over Green Bay
Arizona over San Fran
Minnesota over Washington
San Diego over Oakland