FOCKKKKK!!

Giants sweep in, and veto Zito deal to Mets

Wait, he’s got a wicked curve? He calls everyone dude? Wow, that’s got to be worth $126 million. The dude part alone is a prerequisite on the Hall of Fame ballot. Cy Young did it to his teammates all the time.
I have to admit it, when I first heard Zito signed with the Giants I was shocked. It kind of felt like your girlfriend cheating on you, like a line of trust was broken. But this is because like most Mets fans, I possessed this naïve confidence that no matter what, Barry Zito would eventually sign with the team and become their number one starter next year. I thought Minaya would get his man and that this year’s biggest free agent pitcher, about to sign his career defining contract, would love to come to the Mets and contend for a World Series. Everything was set in place. The wheels were already in motion.
But then, as the free agent pool continued to drain, Zito’ status remained in limbo. I’d get IM’s from fellow Met friends everyday saying, “What’s going on with Zito? You think he’ll sign with Texas? I have huge anal warts.” (OK, ignore that last one). What seemed inevitable became very doubtful, as the days turned into weeks. When I listened to Scott “the Devil” Boras on Michael Kay just one week ago, he said it was down to six teams, and a deal would be reached in the next 15-20 days. I didn’t like the sound of that. At that point, Amazin fans were on pins and needles, because the deal could happen at any moment, and the Mets were in no way the frontrunners.
And then yesterday when my friend Jon IM’ed me that Zito was probably signing with the Giants, I made nothing of it. That team came out of left field to me. But two minutes later, I noticed another blinking orange IM icon on my screen. It was my friend Jeff, another diehard Mets fan. This can’t be good, I was afraid to drag and click. Yet when I finally did…my worst fear became a reality. (And I should add how ironic it was that when you receive an IM, the icon blinks from blue to orange, the Mets colors. A tragic case of foreshadowing)
So obviously, I went on to hold three simultaneous AIM conversations with my three biggest Met friends (Jon “the pessimist,” Jeff “the optimist,” and Meir “the fanatical, lives and dies by the Mets pessimist,”). At the start, we were all miserable about it. But soon enough, after enough Boras bashing and “what’s our next move” questioning, there was some light at the end of the tunnel. We began to ponder, is Zito worth even half of 126 million? Is is worth our time and money, to sign him to a ridiculous long term contract, with possible detrimental effects to our team’s future? Didn’t we learn anything from Mo Vaughn?
OK, Barry Zito is no Mo Vaughn, but at the same time what exactly is he? Let’s break down his seven year career in the majors. He peaked in 2002, his Cy Young year, going 23-5 with a 2.75 ERA. He also had a decent 2001. But what about the bulk of his career, between 2003-05? 39-36 with a 3.9 ERA. And this year, he must have really impressed the market with his 16-10 record and 3.8 ERA. The truth is Barry Zito is a slightly above average pitcher, and most of that is due to the fact of how durable he has been. He is at the top of the list in starts and innings pitched in the past five years. While he is also fourth in wins, his highest win total aside from his Cy Young year is 17, and the amount of W’s is mostly attributed to his amount of starts.
Now I’m not saying I wouldn’t have welcomed Zito to the Mets. The fact that he stays so healthy is not a bad thing at all, especially for the injury plagued, over-the-hill rotation the Mets currently sport. But if Minaya had to even come close to the deal the Giants signed with the devil (literally), than I commend our Dominican GM for passing. So there, we have some clarity on the Zito deal. We were so desperate to get a starter, especially a young one with a good reputation, but it wasn’t worth breaking the bank for. But have fun in San Fran Barry, watching your fellow “Barry,” Bonds that is, inject steroids into his testicles while turning your first season into a homerun record chasing media circus. Should be a fun time.

(I would like to add that my older brother Avi wanted me to mention that he likes to call Barry Zito, Barry Ziti. And yes he is a high paid lawyer.)

Merry Christmas from Mango and friends!

As Kyle from South Park once said, “It’s hard to be a Jew on Christmas.” Well it will be a little easier this year, because of a sweet day of games for the Sports Jew and his non-gentile friends to enjoy.

First off will be the now “traditionally mandatory” match-up of the Lakers and Heat. When this game first occurred two years ago, it was meant to hype up the first Kobe vs. Shaq battle since their big split. But now that the two guys finally kissed and made up, and because Shaq plays less games than Rebecca Lobo in her prime lately, it is now built around the match-up between Kobe and D-Wade, which is a lot more exciting if you ask me. I rather see Kobe trade dunks and improbable shots with Wade, than watch Shaq’s slow motion moves in the post. Just makes for more entertaining television if you ask me.

After that we switch over to football with a big division match-up between the Eagles and Cowboys. Now that the Giants have almost officially blown this season, it will be up to Philly and Dallas to see who wins the NFC East, while both teams have already clinched playoff births. This game also marks the first time Jeff Garcia faces off against T.O. since their “breakup” in San Fran, which ended with the star receiver accusing his quarterback of being a homosexual. I say just for the hell of it, Garcia should blow kisses to T.O. every time he enter the field, and do things like waive to him in a feminine manner while saying “Heeeeey Terrell!” in a really effeminate voice. That should add some intrigue to this one.

And finally, we cap the night off with Jets. Vs. Dolphins on Monday Night Football. No surprise here that this game strikes my fancy the most (damn you Garcia!) as the Jets can lock up the final playoff spot with a win against the Dolphins. I say this because all they would need to do after that is beat Oakland in the last week of the season. The Raiders are a team currently in what I call “bizzaro playoff hunt mode,” in which your season has been so meaningless, that you try to finish with the league’s worst record to land the number one pick in the NFL draft. I have total faith in Oakland throwing all their integrity aside and achieving this goal, so the Jets really need to take care of business in Miami to take control of their own destiny. It all rests on Chad Pennington. Hopefully the recent release of “We Are Marshall” will inspire him. We could use Matthew McConaughey on the sideline in aviators saying, “alight, alright” after every first down for good measure.

Merry Christmas everybody!

“Matt Geiger is an ugly man”

The NBA season so far.

Alright, alright. It’s time to take a little break from the NFL, and divert some much needed attention to the first month and a half of the NBA season. Going into the 06-07 campaign, I had very little interest or faith in the league this year, most of this having to do with the dreadful forecast in line for the Knicks. If this sounds familiar, it’s because I had a very similar attitude towards the Jets this year. While the Jets have surpassed my expectations by a mile, the Knicks…well, they’re just about where I thought they’d be at. And they added a good ole brawl for good measure!

Isiah Thomas has proven that his off the court incompetence isn’t just limited to managing, but to coaching the Knicks as well. I think it was a few weeks ago when in the late stages of the game, and the Knicks down by a few, Zeke decided to truly demonstrate his worth to this team by arguing a call, getting two technicals and getting the boot. His retarded rant gave the opposing team a free throw and a possession. It’s truly something when your coach could affect the outcome of a game in such a negative way.

One more quick note about Zeke, before I continue on to some other notes about the Knicks and the NBA season so far. Has anyone noticed the puzzle piece on his lapel? I don’t know what it represents, I would hope it’s for a charity; but does anyone agree that Isiah may be trying to say he is the missing piece of the puzzle? That would truly be something. In my view, I don’t think the man can even complete a puzzle. He strikes me as the type of guy who would try to help his daughter match that one really irregular piece, only to get frustrated, start cursing, and then eventually jam it into the wrong spot. His daughter would look down at the puzzle in confusion, and then look back at her father, now sporting his classic creepy Isiah Thomas smile. So in a nutshell, that’s what I think of Isiah’s coaching style.

Moving right along, this season has provided some interesting subplots in its early stages. The Knicks managed to follow “Suspension Fest ’06” with two games that started synonymously with their season so far (getting blown out at home), only to comeback in amazing fashion to win both with two buzzer beaters! Is it something to marvel at in the moment? Of course. Does it mean the Knicks have a shot at doing something this year? Let’s find out.

A brawl, two buzzer beaters and a rebounding machine with a Jew-fro

I think that sums up the Knicks season so far, no? First off, here’s my two cents on the brawl. I didn’t see it live, so its hard to base my opinion in the context of what happened, especially what led up to it. All I will say is this. Isiah Thomas definitely had something to do with it. There is evidence of him verbally provoking a hard foul, if a Nugget drove to the basket (and yes, he was sporting the creepy smile while doing so). Mardy Collins was definitely the fall-guy in the situation, kind of like when they send a newbie to whack someone in the mafia. You’re not really going to miss his presence if your enemies (the NBA in this case) try to retaliate.

With that said, Carmelo Anthony definitely threw one hell of a sucker punch. I can only imagine his girlfriend, Lala from MTV, calling him a “punk-ass bitch” later in the night, and refusing to let him “hit that.” But the person who let me down the most in this whole thing is Nate Robinson. I really had high hopes for him coming into this year, and as of right now, these are the two things he is best know for this season. 1. Attempting a self alley-oop, and missing horribly. 2. Jumping on J.R. Smith like a cliché midget character in a movie when provoked with a barrage of “midget jokes.” On top of that, he is averaging -5 assists per game. Mighty Mouse has certainly not come to save the day. Zing!

But as low as the Knicks looked Sunday morning on the front page of every New York tabloid, they managed to revamp their image with two amazing finishes. Game-winning buzzer beaters are simply too rare and thrilling to ignore. But this team is still a mess in my view; without a real leader, without any intensity or effort on defense and “with” Isiah Thomas still calling the shots. They’re lucky they are playing in the worst division in NBA history as Greg Anthony labeled the Atlantic on ESPN radio, because I think the playoffs are a very realistic goal even for them.

More ball swapping than a Jenna Jameson film

When I first saw the new NBA ball, only one thing caught my attention. Why don’t the lines go all the way around? Instead, the seams (I guess that’s what you can call them) connect to create a futuristic looking ball, that I could imagine Neo and Morpheus would use for a pick-up game. Oddly enough, NBA analysts never discussed the ball’s new design. The debate over the new rock was all about its grip and bounce. I don’t really have a point here.

Rocky Mountain A.I.

The Allen Iverson trade fiasco didn’t last nearly as long as I thought it would, and even more surprisingly, Billy King scored a pretty decent deal. He got cap relief (Joe Smith’s expiring contract) a solid point guard (Dre Miller) and two first round picks. Sure those picks will be in the late first round, but this team is going to have a high first rounder next year as well. Plus there have been a bunch of talented guys going 20-29 recently, just look at David Lee. Now all King has to do is not fuck up this very important draft in 07. He probably will though.

As for Iverson’s impact in Denver, it’s going to take two re-adjustment periods. First when A.I. makes his debut with the team, and then when Melo is thrown back in the mix. It has the potential to be great, but no one with able to know for sure until some games get played. I don’t like to predict things that are so new and untested, as in Iverson playing alongside another superstar for the first time in his career. This is a guy whose big teammates have included a rejuvenated and bald Matt Geiger, which reminds me of a game from the Sixers finals run in 2001 on TNT. During the post game studio session, while breaking down the action, Charles Barkley decided to interject with this insightful observation. “Matt Geiger is an ugly man.” Sportscasting at its finest if you ask me.

One thing about A.I…he has to watch out in Denver. He’s not in Philly anymore, a city full of crazies who booed Santa Claus. He is now playing in a strict, conservative city, where Kobe was put on a witch trial. So Allen, you may want to take it easy with the gun-wielding drunken ambushes at your baby’s mama’s place. And if so, at least put a pair of pants on. Other than that, I think they have a shot at the title.

A tale of two teams…

Why are Gang Green and the G-Men both 6-5 going into week 13? Because of coaching, injuries, scheduling, team chemistry, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and of course…the media.

It's quite the anomaly. Anomaly, meaning irregularity or abnormality. And if you don't know what those words mean, you're retarded. Going into this season, no one gave the Jets a chance to win more than 4 games, and for the most part, the Giants were being labeled a playoff contender in the crapshoot which is the National Football Conference (NFC). The reasoning for such? Justifiable. The Jets had no offensive identity, including an injury prone quarterback, a hall of fame running back at the end of his career and an unproven, untested offensive line. Their defense had scattered talent playing under a new coach, and in a new defensive scheme, the 3-4.

No one was labeling the Giants as serious contenders, but in the NFC East, they had as good a chance as anyone. And with a very proven offense, and a defense that included two pro bowl defensive ends, they were, as sportswriters like to say "better on paper" than the New York Jets. So why are both teams at the same record, almost two-thirds into the season? As my headline so clearly states, there are many factors determining why the Jets have overachieved so much at 6-5, and why the Giants are crumbling at…6-5. I want to focus on one team at a time, because both season stories are so different, it would be dizzying to compare their pros and cons. In the end, I will try to determine the fate of both teams, if they are playing in January, and if either have a chance to make something of it.

Let's start off with the Jets. Many people don't feel what the Jets are doing is something spectacular, and the truth is they're right. The Jets are not an elite team, and there's no reason they should be. But this is what irks me about Jets antagonism in 2006. Some sports analysts claim that the only games the Jets are winning are against bad teams and that with the exception of a win in New England, they do not have one impressive victory to stand on. OK, in an ignorant sense, that's true. But the Jets are still a good team, and for that same reason. Good teams are supposed to beat bad teams. It means they did their homework, exploited their opponent's weaknesses and won the game. That's why teams like Arizona and Detroit are bad teams. They don't win those so called "gimmes" on their schedule, and the games they do win are usually by chance.

In addition to that, the Jets have competed in every game but one this year, another impressive footnote in this noteworthy season. If you subtract the Jacksonville game where they obviously phoned it in, their other four losses all displayed the competitive side of this team. They were getting blown out by the Pats, but almost staged a last minute comeback. They had the Colts beat, but got iced by a 2 minute drill ala Peyton Manning (he does it all the time). The Browns game?? Well when a potential game winning touchdown isn't reviewed as a blatant force-out, you got to chalk that up to horrible officiating. Finally, the Chicago game was a good defensive stalemate, until the Bears cracked the board with a field goal. They wrapped it up with a td, only scored due to a missed Jets tackle.

And yet, that one missed tackle is a good example of what this Jets season has been so far. It was just "one" mixed tackle. Not a series of blown plays, or interceptions, or penalties. This team has been playing to their fullest potential all year, and then some. This has been especially evident on the offensive end. You probably couldn't trade their starting offense for any other team at the start of the season, and now they are looking better than half the pack. You have to credit an amazing draft which solidified their offensive line, a year after it fell apart. Can you believe that? It's been taking Arizona years to do the same thing, and they're still no where close, while the Jets are pretty much a tackle short of having an elite o-line. It's truly outstanding.

OK, now for the Giants. Remember those factors I was talking about? They were mostly applying to the G-Men. Plain and simple, before the Giants even snapped one play this year, they had a brutal schedule to go through. If you don't believe me, just check it out. Non division games included Indy, Seattle, Chicago, Jacksonville, Carolina and what was supposed to be a gimme in Week 15 before the season is now not, the surprising Saints. They only have two easy games on their schedule, Houston and Tennessee, and Tampa Bay even though they made the playoffs last year. So right away, it was going to be a battle for the Giants to win 10 games this season. Considering their schedule had no weak spots, they finished the first half of the season at 6-2. Their division record? 3-0. Their competition? Looking very shaky. It was a good time to be Giants fan, even though their star running back had just announced his retirement at seasons end.

Then, the injuries started to pile up. They lost both of their starting ends. They lost their no. 1 cornerback. They lost two of their outside linebackers. They lost their number two receiver. Well Tiki, your last season is going to be your biggest workload as well. Oh sorry, you just lost your left tackle as well. And that isn't even the full extent of it. So before I continue, let me say this. For the second straight year, the Giants have been almost completely decimated by injury, so regardless of what happens this year, they get a pass. But the team can't worry about that now. They desperately need to put their awful injury luck behind them, and try to save this season.

I'm not going to bother talking about the Bears or Jaguars losses. Those were two good teams, and the Giants were in fine shape going into an easy bounce back game vs. Tennessee. But that game was beyond discussion, and while radio hosts, newspaper columnists and TV personalities have been dissecting it all week, I'm going to save some time and make it pretty simple for everyone. You know who's fault it was they lost that game? Mathias Kiwa"fuckin"anuka! I'm sick of hearing idiots like Michael Kay attack Coughlin for chewing him out after the play. He missed a fucking tackle! Why is he worrying about getting a penalty when he hasn't even finished his assignment? In the NLF you only get credit for bringing your opponent to his FUCKING KNEES. This isn't touch football, you have to make sure that quarterback is down, and not worry about getting a 15 yard penalty in the process. I am still baffled as to why this rookie is getting off so easily for his lame ass excuse.

So what does peanut butter and jelly sandwiches have to do with all of this? Nothing really, actually. My brother just pointed out that during Michael Strahan's tirade on that ESPN reporter he was snacking on said sandwich. And there really isn't anything more offensive than an angry football player in your face while he licks peanut butter out of gapped teeth. As for the media's effect on the Giants lately, it's all self inflicted. The media are always going to be in you face, after a big loss, win, whatever. It's up to the team to provide the material for the picture that will ultimately be painted on TV and print. And the Giants are doing nothing to help themselves in this case. Can you believe that all of this nonsense wit Coughlin, Tiki, Strahan and Shockey has actually rendered the initials TO utterly useless to the media this week? I have to assume Parcells is thrilled about that. I just hope the Giants are coming up with a game-plan for the Cowboys, because despite what Shockey believes, this isn't the same team they creamed on Monday Night Football. I should point out that I've really grown to dislike the Giants talkative tight end. He is writing a lot of checks that his ass can't cash, and for a player to talk as much as him, he should really back it up on the field. He's been mediocre all year, and the less he does, the more he wines.

So in closing, just where do these teams stand as far as playoffs are concerned? As screwed as the Giants seem, they have a better chance solely because they play in the NFC. If they have to compete for the last playoff spot, it would be with the Rams, Vikings, 49ers and Falcons. I have to assume that even with their injuries, they're better than all those teams. Unfortunately, their remaining schedule will definitely not help their case. Dallas, Carolina, Philly, New Orleans and Washington. The Jets remaining schedule? Green Bay, Buffalo, Miami, Minnesota and Oakland. The remaining teams ahead of the Jets for the final two playoff spots? Denver, Kansas City, Cincy and Jacksonville. It's the Giants schedule vs. the Jets mountain climb. Take your pick.

And as for these teams Super Bowl chances, mark my words…neither of these teams will win one playoff game. Unless of course, they win a playoff game, kind of negating what I just wrote.