(Like Rick James once said – Laziness is a hell of a thing. Actually, he said cocaine is a hell of a drug, but he’s dead now. Laziness could range from lacking the physical motivation to go to the gym, or the mental motivation to write a blog. In my case, I suffer in both cases. Any who, with much anticipated hope, the Sports Jew is back for a weekly column on the National Football League that I like to call the Thursday Afternoon Jew, or TAJ. Let’s get this party started.)
Week 1 in Review
OK, let’s get things started specifically with…
THE OFFICIAL SPORTS JEW PETITION TO “REVERSE THE RESULT” AND MAKE THE JETS 1-0
So watching Sportscenter yesterday – after a filling Rosh Hashana dinner, followed by the fam circling around the tube to watch Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes On Demand, an Israeli family holiday tradition – I saw that ESPN had a poll asking America how the Pats should be penalized for what is now being referred to as “CameraGate.” Anchor Steve Levy, who I heard is a real jakeass in person, was shocked to discover that a majority of people thought the game should be forfeited, which I assume means the result would be reversed. Pats become 0-1. the Jets become 1-0.
Levy utters the result with a shocked befuddlement that suggests common fans don’t know what they are talking about. Excuse me, but what is so unclear here? The team cheated in such a blatant and “against the rules way” that anything less than a measure that would specifically affect the outcome of that game would be insane. I’m hearing all these analysts like Sean Sallisbury say that this whole thing is not that serious and that docking a few draft picks or suspending Beli-cheat for a game is more than enough punishment. I also heard from a friend at work who used to intern at ESPN that Sallisbury likes to show a picture of his weiner on his cellphone to females production assistants at the studio, so his opinion holds little weigh with me at the moment.
Even good old Mike Golic said that while the timing of the cheating is bad, and while cheating in general no matter the severity or impact should not be tolerated, agreed that it didn’t really have a major impact on the outcome of the game. Now I’m not sure exactly how this voyeur’s tape of stolen defensive signals was able to help the Pats score 38 points on the Jets, but until someone proves to me with hard evidence that it definitely did not, then I don’t see how the NFL and Roger Goodell can give Beli-cheat and co. the benefit of the doubt.
Do I think the Jets would have won the game if everything was fair and square? Probably not, but that’s not the issue. Sure Tom Brady had enough time standing in the pocket to impregnate Bridgett Moynahan again…twice, and that probably isn’t even a result of the signal calling. The bottom line here is this- the Pats got caught cheating red-handed, in a way that could definitely sway the result of a game. Docking draft picks, or forcing Beli-bum to sit a game isn’t going to stop the problem. In my line of work, dealing with cops, local leaders and such, I hear the word deterrent a lot when applying to laws. You need to create a law that will deter criminals from commiting illegal acts, like harsher drunk driving penalties. You know what would deter an NFL coach from taping signals?...taking their “hard earned” win away. It’s a fucking no-brainer. I’m sick of talking about this. I don’t see what’s so hard to comprehend.
Moving on with a new segment I like to call Jew-rotic rants of the week. (Jew-rotic is play on words of neurotic. In no way are these rants sexually erotic in anyway.)
I compare Cedric Benson’s performance against the Chargers on Sunday to Britney Spears performance at the VMA’s later that night. Slow, sluggish and possibly coked-up. I have the Chicago running back in two fantasy leagues, and I was really unimpressed with his running style. The guy has no breakaway speed, and I don’t see that as something he can improve. He’s going to need to get his yards with baby-steps, and this means breaking through the line of scrimmage, not collapsing into it. Hopefully things will pan out this week with an easier opponent in the Chiefs, but if Benson turns out to be a bust, the Bears will have the shakiest, ineffective quarterback/running back combo in the league. A playoff berth may not be a given this year, especially when you consider….
The Minnesota Vikings. I didn’t get to watch this game, but I have to say I was thoroughly impressed with the 29 fantasy points the team’s defense got me. You win in football by being strong on both sides of the line. We know Minnesota absolutely squashes the run, but their much improved O-line didn’t really show the goods last year, as Chester Taylor had a pretty pedestrian season considering the expectations. It’s early, but the problem seems to be solved with Adrian Peterson. The guy got over 100 rushing yards on turf in his NFL debut, and added a 60 yard touchdown via a screen pass for good measure. So their receiving is weak. It’s looking like the only weakness they got right about now.
The Giants are cursed, I’m afraid. This team can’t escape injury, and it’s not as if they don’t have it coming to them. Brandon Jacobs is not going to be an every-down back from the looks of Sunday night. The guy can’t run laterally, which caused him to get his foot caught up and resulted in a sprained MCL. Let’s see if he can adjust, whenever he gets back. Eli Manning got roughed up like a rag doll, and busted up his shoulder. He looked really strong, but the injury is going to be a setback now, and his status is puzzling. The Giants have been lying all week about his availability, while doctors were reporting he could miss a month. As for Osi, it’s funny to think the Giants refused to add him as a throw-in in the Eli trade, and instead gave up a pick that eventually became Shawn Merriman. It’s looking like it’s going to be a long football season in New York.
Finally, I was expecting a shootout in Monday Night Football’s double-header finale, and thinking back, I’m not exactly sure why. Right now, Matt Leinart and Alex Smith are not good at throwing footballs. Leinart has these two uber-wideouts at his disposal, and he managed a pitiful 102 yards passing. I like San Francisco’s Nate Clements pick-up, but not that much. As for Smith, the guy thinks he’s Michael Vick in his pre-dog electrocuting days. I was getting nauseous from his 15-step dropbacks, where he would run backwards after every snap instead of taking a normal three-step drop. He looked like a crappy player in Madden who has no idea what he’s doing. Someone should tell him that if you want to be a mobile quarterback, you got to run the other way, you know, where the end zone is. So happy I didn’t wait it out for these guys in my fantasy draft.
And on a rare serious note…
I also listened to Michael Wilbon on ESPN radio yesterday talk about a college player he covered in the 1980’s who suffered a paralyzing blow similar to Kevin Everett. In that situation, it was an unfixable tragedy from the onset, where doctors said he was paralyzed and the family couldn’t do anything about. When I first heard of Everett’s change in prognosis, I thought, do these doctors even know what they’re talking about? This proved to be a very ignorant comment. The fact that this guy - who was paralyzed from neck-down in critical condition for the first two days after his injury - can possibly now walk again is a sign of where medical technology has come. Guys in his shoes used to have no chance to walk again, he has hope. I’m not going to jump the gun, because his doctor is still viewing the chance “with cautious optimism,” but at least he has that. A chance.
Here’s a Jets preview for Week 2, and the picks for the rest…
The New York Jets at Baltimore Ravens (at, gulp, -10)
Hmm, the Jets are big dogs against a team that just had an unimpressive loss at Cincinnati. They lost by a score, but had six turnovers, and couldn’t really get anything going offensively. Willis McGahee rushed for only 77 in his debut, and Steve McNair looked sloppy before he went down in the second half. Both team’s quarterbacks are questionable this week, as the Jets remain tight lip about Chad Pennington’s status. I don’t know why both New York team’s are being so shady about their quarterbacks availability this week, I don’t think us fans have much faith in either of these team’s regardless.
Any who, while Ray Lewis is also a question mark after tearing one of his triceps last week, ouch, I still think the Ravens deserve close to that 10 point spread. They were lights out at home last year, 7-1, and still have a bunch of weapons on defense to torture the Jets shaky looking offense. Let’s remember, aside from two effortless looking touchdowns to Coles, the team wasn’t exactly moving the chains on Sunday. On top of that, McGahee kills the Jets for some reason, and all the signs point to him doing it again on Sunday.
By the way, I’m not giving up on the Jets, who overachieved so much last year, only to say that they have a much tougher schedule this season coupled with actual expectations. It’s going to be tough, considering they are playing in a division with blatant cheaters, but I’ll gain a little more faith when we play a weaker team to get our confidence up. Like Miami in week 3. I’ll take the Ravens here, but the Jets aren’t a bad bet to cover.
Rest of the picks
Pittsburgh (-9.5) over Buffalo
Cincinnati (-7) over Cleveland
Indianapolis (-7) over Tennessee
Houston (+6.5) over Carolina
St Louis (-3) over San Francisco
Green Bay (+1) over Giants
Jacksonville (-10.5) over Atlanta
New Orleans (-3.5) over Tampa Bay
Minnesota (+3) over Detroit
Dallas (-4) over Miami
Seattle (-3) over Arizona
Denver (-10) over Oakland
Chicago (-12.5) over Kansas City
San Diego (+4) over New England
Washington (+7) over Philadelphia
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