"From the Perfect Storm to the Perfect Season"

(Note to reader, what was supposed to be an NFC title game preview turned into a brilliant piece on the 2006-07 Saints…and an NFC title game preview. I simply can’t help myself sometimes. Look out tomorrow for the AFC preview by guest-Jew Gaba-gooz.)

When I first read that the Houston Texans were even considering drafting someone other than Reggie Bush with the first pick of last year’s draft, I couldn’t fathom that such a desperately bad franchise would make such a blunder on such a no-brainer. But when it became close-to-official in the days leading up to the draft that they were taking Mario Williams (and this is because in the NFL, players practically sign with teams even before the first pick is announced), I tried to find a good reason why the Texans were passing on such a phenom in Bush.

For starters, taking a defensive end with the first pick is never a wise choice, because it’s simply not an “impact position” in my view. While the best of them (Seymour, Peppers, Freeney) are ridiculous athletes, they basically make a few “impact” plays a game, and at best put pressure on weak offensive lines and old white quarterbacks (see Mark Brunell weeks 1-6). And they usually thrive the most in pairs, as in teams with two great ends (Giants, Colts, Panthers) attacking from both sides. But I’m getting really off-base here - because it doesn’t matter who the Texans picked, just that they didn’t pick Bush. They needed a sure thing, and even if his all-around offensive prowess wasn’t enough to entice them, his marketability definitely should have. They are a young franchise in need of a star savior, and in the simplest terms…they fucked up big time.

One team who didn’t fuck up big time was the New Orleans Saints, which brings me closer to my preview of this weekend’s NFC title game (a bit of a delayed intro I know, and it will probably read more like a 2006 Saints biography). In my mind, and probably in those of many others, the team had three key off-season acquisitions. The first was the hiring of head coach Sean Payton, exactly one year ago to this day. The next came in March when they signed Drew Brees as their new starting quarterback. For the most part, both moves went unnoticed. More hype was surrounding around the nearby Dolphins, who passed on Brees for Daunte Culpepper and were supposed to host the Super Bowl this year, and blah-blah-blah…I’m sure you’ve all heard this a thousand times already. For those who didn’t, basically, every Saints move panned out very well, and two teams (Miami and Houston) came out looking like morons.

But what most people fail to realize (at least when I look at it) is how important Bush was to this Saints season, and you have to look at this from a Hurricane Katrina perspective, because it’s simply impossible not to. For a city that turned their football stadium into a makeshift homeless shelter/riot field/morgue last season; jeez, I dunno…I think they needed something BIG to happen to get them back into Saints football for ’06. And unfortunately, the Payton and Brees signings, albeit how incredibly successful they have both been, did not create that initial effect when either happened. A lot of it may have to do with the fact that New Orleans is a predominantly black city, which I’m sure welcomed the addition of their new coach and quarterback, but were probably not jumping out of their seats over them either. Brees was coming of an injury, and I’m pretty sure most people in New Orleans didn’t even know who Sean Peyton was (I’ll admit, neither did I).

But when the Texans executed the “Sam Bowie Move of Football” on draft day 2006, the disparaged fans of the Big Easy knew they would get the savior they were looking for at pick no. 2, and in the biggest case of “sports-politics” irony ever…his name was Bush. But unlike the President, this Bush gave them hope. I adamantly believe that the addition of Bush to the Saints, the mass production and sale of Bush jerseys all along the Bayou, and the excitement created around the home debut of the most exciting player to hit the NFL in years, all helped create the epic atmosphere in the Superdome on Sept. 25 against the Falcons. It was the first game in the dome since Katrina, and the highlight of the perfect season that overcame the perfect storm.

Obviously, I watched the game from beginning to end, even the grand pre-game musical number I usually avoid, because I knew it was going to be special. Green Day did a great job performing “Wake me up when September ends,” a song title that rang so true with what the fans went through just one year ago in the same month. In fact, I never even liked the song until I heard them perform it that night, it truly blew me away. But while watching, I began to sense that something (or someone) was lurking in the background, ready to take the stage. I should have figured it would have happened, what with a huge global cause like Katrina, and a perfect venue for a celebrity humanitarian to reach the masses, in Monday Night Football. It was like in Jurassic Park when the T-rex comes, but instead of the vibrations it was those whiny vibratos. And then…it happened. Bono hit the stage. He crept in and performed a stirring duet of the “House of the Rising Sun” with Billy Joe of Green Day, and I got to say I was still really moved. Nonetheless, I needed football to start immediately.

And what a game it was. With the crowd roaring (and not in a monstrous Raiders way, but more of a euphoric Bourbon street way) the Saints forced a three and out on their first defensive stand. Everyone knows what came next, the Saints blocked a punt, turned it into six points, and never looked back. It has truly been a remarkable year for the team, with Brees looking like Marino (once again the fact that the DOLPHINS turned him down only adds another ironic twist to this story) and Peyton doing everything right, including making a once laughable defense respectable. But I really believe that the drafting of Bush, a fluke chance that never even should have been given to the Saints, was the biggest factor in getting New Orleans back into football. And his season stats (9 touchdowns, 88 catches and over 1,300 yards from scrimmage) definitely didn’t hurt.

New Orleans Saints at Chicago Bears (Bears -2)

The Saints are really going to have to make this their type of football game if they want to come out on top; that being a high scoring game. The problem is they are facing a team that likes to control the game with defense, and at their home turf in the cold Chicago air (it will be a lot different than the dome for sure). Another problem is the Saints haven’t faired too well against tough defenses this season, with losses against the Redskins, Panthers, Steelers and Ravens. For them to have the upper hand in this game, the score will need to be in the 20’s, even though the same scenario didn’t prove true in some losses this year (case in point: final score in Baltimore game, Ravens 35- Saints 22).

But the fact of the matter is this, the Bears have not been playing like a dominant defense lately, not last week against Seattle or during the last third of the regular season. A big reason for that has been injuries, especially to run blocking tackle Tommy Harris. Without him, teams have been able to exploit the Bears rushing defense by gouging through the middle, something the Saints can easily do with Deuce McAllister (you know, the guy Bush still backs up, who ran for over 1,000 yards and ten touchdowns this year). This will allow Bush to be a decoy, and either have a decently productive day or a monster one. And all at the same time, Brees must be patient and not create turnovers for his team. I have a lot of faith in him for this game because he has been performing so well all season, and as long as he sticks to the game plan, there is no reason for him to choke now.

And in my view, the Saints game plan should focus on establishing the run early, to set up big passing plays. If the Saints execute well on offense, all they will need to do is rattle Rex Grossman (who I’m pretty sure my dad thinks is Jewish), something that many teams have had success with this year. In order for that to happen, the Saints defense will need to make some big plays, but most importantly take away the run and force Grossman to match drives with Brees (I’ll take Brees in that match-up). The bottom line is this, if the Saints can play like the team that won 10 games this season, the combination of Chicago’s glaring injury on defense should be more than enough for a win, and the first Super Bowl berth in N’awlins. The Saints are marching to Miami. Book it.

That's the way it all became "The Brady Hunch"

(From time to time, I will allow a certain distinguished amount of "guest Jews" to contribute to the blog, with their own scribblings on sports. For my first "guest" spot, my good friend Gabel (I like to call him Gaba-gooz) has written an in-depth piece on this weekend's biggest matchup, Pats vs Bolts. It is really good I must say, chocked-full with football analysis (which I love) and of course, one totally irrelevent Dumb and Dumber reference. Enjoy!)

I would have loved to write about my New York Giants, but unfortunately they have the discipline of a kindergarten class. What's even worse is Tom Coughlin is coming back next year. What's even worse than that is the fact that I have to admit Jeff Garcia owns us. He's officially reached my top 5 athletes I hate the most. It would have been better to be a Jets fan this year, and very rarely do I say it's better to be a Jets fan. I'm not big on the Jets, however they deserve a lot of credit for playing the way they did in the regular season, and it would have been nice to see them advance to the Divisionals. So due to the early departed in the Empire State, I decided to write about the most exciting game this weekend: The New England Patriots vs. The San Diego Chargers.

The Chargers, clearly the best team in football this year, are loaded on both sides of the ball, with Zeus (LaDainian Tomlinson) at running back, Juggernaut (Lorenzo Neal) blocking for him at fullback, QB Phillip Rivers coming off a Pro Bowl year (I can't think of a good name for him), just a freak in Antonio Gates at tight end, and a top-notch linebacking core led by Colossus (Shawne Merriman), who led the NFL in sacks (17) despite missing four games. At the same time, the Pats seem to have a solid D no matter who gets injured, an offense of mostly no-names that play well as a team, and they have Superman (Tom Brady) at QB and Professor X (Bill Belichick) head coaching. And in case you haven't been watching football for the last six years, it's not too smart to bet against the Patriots in the playoffs. The Pats have an incredible amount of momentum, winning seven out of their last eight after they out-played the Jets, and Bill Belichick out-coached Eric “I still have baby fat in my 30’s” Mangini. Doesn’t Mangini look like one of those kids who went to college when they were 12? Anyway, last week the Pats’ defense came up with big plays when they needed to, and if Brady repeats his performance it’s near impossible for the Pats to lose. However with home field advantage, fresh off a bye week, LaDainian Tomlinson and a 10-game winning streak (undefeated at home this year), the Chargers are the clear favorite. And the last time the teams faced was in 2005, when San Diego went to New England and destroyed them 41-17, ending the Pats' 21-game home winning streak. But if you look at how the teams match up in 2006, considering it’s a playoff game, an upset is quite a possibility. But would it really be an upset?

First you have the head coaches: One who is famous for winning the big game and one who is infamous for losing the big game. Belichick has probably spent more hours watching Chargers game film than Bill Simmons has watching Rocky movies. You better believe the ingenious head coach has come up with tons of schemes to stop the run, and he has a disciplined defense that can execute (sixth in the NFL in total defense). No one can stop Tomlinson, but the defense just needs to prevent a monster day. There is more pressure on Marty Schottenheimer than ever, because this is his last chance to redeem himself and show everyone he's not a goat. (When I associate Marty with redeeming himself, I can’t help thinking of the “Dumb and Dumber” scene when Harry [Jeff Daniels] and Lloyd [Jim Carrey] get lost and Lloyd mysteriously gets that motorcycle: “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this….AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!”) Both head coaches have a myriad of playoff experience, but their success is so lopsided it’s laughable. (Belichick 11-2, Schottenheimer 5-12) Just ask yourself this: If either team’s game plan is disrupted, which coach is more likely able to adjust?

Brady vs. San Diego’s D: The second-most important match-up of this game. The Chargers’ front seven is among the best in the league, with a superb combination of speed and power. Not since the real LT have we seen a linebacker in Shawn Merriman that can sack a quarterback at will. Brady’s dinky six-yard and screen passes aren’t going to work as well against these speedy linebackers, so expect him to use more of the field. The secondary led by Quentin Jammer are excellent tacklers as well, so the deep ball will be the biggest difference maker for Brady. If the Patriots are to put up points, wideouts Reche Caldwell (very underrated), Jabar Gaffney and tight end Ben Watson need to step up. You would also be naïve to think Belichick doesn’t have a few offensive tricks up his sleeve. However if Brady doesn’t execute early and the crowd starts to get louder, the game could turn into a blowout fast.
In every game all you hear is, “In order to win they have to establish the run.” This is not true for this game, because there won't be much of a running game for New England. San Diego's rush defense was 7th in the league this year. Corey Dillon can’t even outrun Gilbert Brown, and even with a few holes provided by the O-line, he will be lucky if he can get five yards on one of his 8-10 carries. Dillon’s game is based on his power, which is inferior to the Chargers’ front seven. Lawrence Maroney always has potential for a big game, but with the linebackers’ speed, he won’t rush for any more than 70-80 yards. Running back Kevin Faulk played very well last week and can execute screens well, but again can't compete with San Diego's front seven. Because of this, all the pressure will be on the passing game. In order for the Pats to win, the O-line must contain the linebackers. Dillon, Maroney and Faulk have to stick their blocks; if Brady can get enough time to throw, putting him in a rhythm, he will be tough to contain. Like I said, all the pressure is on Tom Brady. But who else would you want the pressure to be on? The problem is, the Pats won’t score 37 points again and 21 points may not cut it in San Diego.

The most important match-up: Phillip Rivers vs. New England’s D: As previously mentioned, Belichick will come up with defensive schemes for Zeus (if you don’t get the nickname, it’s because Zeus is the king of all gods who throws lightning bolts. Chargers…lighting bolts…get it? Whatever it beats LT), however as clever as Belichick is, it’s hard to stop the eventual best running back of all time. At the same time LDT is human; don’t forget in their first six games this season Tomlinson rushed for 100 yards only once, and the Chargers lost two of those games. That is why Rivers needs to be big. More focus may be on Tomlinson, but Phillip Rivers is the single most important person in this football game. The D-line needs to get pressure on Rivers early because if he gets rattled, it will be tough to come back. Rivers has come off a stellar year, with statistics showing that he gets better towards the end of the game (116.6 QB rating in the 4th quarter). But that doesn't matter anymore; regular season stats don't mean anything once the playoffs roll around. The best of the best in the regular season often collapse, and those you would never expect to shine. If Rivers gets in his own head, Antonio Gates will ultimately be ineffective, who is vital for Rivers' passing game, especially with Rodney Harrison out. The Chargers’ wide receivers are above average, but the Pats’ secondary jump routes very well, and are even better at disguising it. Did you see Asante Samuel’s interception on Pennington last week? Brilliant defense. The Pats' linebackers are deceptive, so expect them to confuse Rivers a little bit. That’s where the offensive coaches are very important. THEY NEED TO KEEP RIVERS CALM. If he makes a mistake, he can’t get down on himself. The Pats’ D is ferocious. If they smell a weakness, they will exploit it all day until you can fix it. And in the playoffs, that's not easy to do, unless of course you're Frank Reich, or Jeff Garcia (God I hate him).

Rivers has to manage the game. That’s the most important quality in a quarterback. With the talent on his team he doesn’t need to play like an all-star. Look at Trent Dilfer in 2000, Brad Johnson in 2002, Rothlesberger last year…why did they win the Super Bowl? Yes their defenses were almost flawless, but besides that, they all did a masterful job at simply managing the game, keeping they’re composure. No turnovers. Another reason why Rivers vs. New England’s D is a more important matchup is because of his playoff experience. This is Rivers' first playoff start, so throw his QB rating out the window. Everyone knows what Brady is going to do, everyone knows what Tomlinson is going to do, but no one knows what Rivers is going to do. The Chargers must jump out early, because once the fourth quarter rolls around, do you really want to give Brady a chance to win the game?

In attempting to predict which team will win, I ask myself one question: Which team is more likely to play mistake-free football? There is nothing more valuable than experience, and New England has a great deal of it. This Chargers team might be amazing, but it’s extremely difficult to play like a 14-2 team in the playoffs. Only twice in each of the two conferences have the No. 1 seeds won the Super Bowl in the past 10 years.

What will ultimately decide the outcome of this game? Turnovers. Whoever turns the ball over more will lose. Both teams will thrive on good field position, especially San Diego. The Pats can ill-afford a turnover putting San Diego at their 30 yard line. Both teams have solid kickers, but if San Diego gets in the red zone…it’s probably a touchdown. All Rivers has to do is throw it up to Gates, or hand it off to Zeus. But when looking at Rivers' stats, I found it very interesting that out of his 22 touchdown passes, zero were over the middle. Belichick knows this I'm sure, and in a redzone situation the defense may force Rivers to throw there. The Chargers have an awesome defense but if you give Brady a short field in a must-score situation, odds are he’ll pick you apart. In the battle of on-field talent the Chargers dominate, but because of Belichick, you cannot count the Pats out…he has a knack for bringing out the best in his team, obviously. Oh yeah one more thing, in case you didn’t know, Tom Brady has thrown five interceptions in 367 pass attempts in the playoffs.

Prediction: Tomlinson will have a solid game, but Rivers will not play up to par. Special teams should not be overlooked in any football game, and as I said before, field position very important. Also be mindful of the fact that Brady and Bill are 11-1 in the playoffs together, and although Brady doesn't have anything to prove, Rivers got voted into the Pro Bowl over him.

Final Score: New England 27 San Diego 24

THE MAN-GENIUS VS. BELI-BITCH…ROUND 3:

NFL Wildcard Weekend Playoff Preview

I begin this, my highly anticipated (words “highly” and “anticipated” in question) NFL Wildcard Weekend preview with an amendment of sorts, for the nickname I use to describe one Eric Mangini. In previous columns I referred to the Jets rookie coach as “Mangina,” a term first introduced to this world in the critically acclaimed Oscar winning film, “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.” Early on, my friend rebuffed my immature sense of humor, questioning as to why I would use such a demoralizing nickname for a man who has done so much for me. Well now, four days after the Jets, a team I had lower expectations for than the film “Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause,” have clinched a playoff berth, it is now time to eradicate Mangina, and crown…”THE MAN-GENIUS!”

OK, I didn’t come up with that one, and I’m still curious as to who initially did, but there is no better way to dub the chubby first-year coach. Heading into a playoff hunt with four teams (Bengals, Broncos, Chiefs and Jaguars) who all had much better pre-season prognosis’s, I knew the Jets would have to win out. After losing to Buffalo, a lot of people, like my horribly pessimistic father, lost hope. I didn’t. They were still in great mathematical shape, and had smooth sailings ahead, in regards to their schedule. Take two straight wins and a couple of Jacksonville losses, and the Jets did what nobody thought was possible. Well, except for the Man-Genius of course.

I have a gut feeling he knew from the get-go that with his team’s schedule, good health (minus Curtis Martin) and staggeringly low expectations, that a respectable season was possible. The Jets 2006-07 campaign has far superseded that. I have never been more proud of any of my sports teams, and the way they progressively matured and played better throughout the season is totally indicative of their coaching. In no other sport can you say this. I love Willie Randolph, but I don’t think him sitting on his ass, eating ranch flavored sunflower seeds while signaling Chad Bradford into the game is anywhere near what Man-Genius and his coaching staff have accomplished this year.

But enough Jets-jocking, because I can go on for days. It is time for the predictions. First, the non-New York Saturday games which I am slowly caring a lot less about…

Kansas City Chiefs at Indianapolis Colts (Colts -7)

So the Chiefs are in the Playoffs after an upsetting Sunday for the Denver Broncos, which saw their playoff hopes get crushed, followed by the tragic death of cornerback Darrent Williams. That means Herman Edwards, the Jets former coach, has now gotten another team into the playoffs in his first year with the team. It also pits him against his former mentor and head coach in Tony Dungy (the two previously worked together in Tampa), yet this match-up isn’t receiving nearly as much scrutiny as Man-Genius/Beli-Bitch.

This is probably because of the glaring match-up that is just too obvious not to exploit, that being Larry Johnson vs. Indy’s run defense. If you haven’t been following the Colts this year, let me fill you in a little on their Swiss cheese D, as Walt Frazier loves to call it. I compare their run defense best to those big paper banners players run through at the start of every game, that tear and break-apart easily upon contact. That’s the Colts front seven. They are almost as ineffective as a sheet of paper. Thick expensive paper I assume, but paper nonetheless. Need an example? In Week 16, they let Ron Dayne go for 153 yards and two touchdowns. Ron Dayne! The guy had two touchdowns in the past two seasons combined! On top of that, the man injured his ankle at the beginning of the second quarter, had to get it bandaged, and continued to run wild on the Colts. I can imagine him now, going “Ya can’t stop me! Ya can’t stop me! I’m too nice!” while knowing good and well that this would never happen against any other team. It’s nice the former Heisman winner turned huge bust had one day in his career to shine.

So at this point, I’m convinced early 90’s singer Taylor Dayne could muster at least 65 yards and a touchdown on the Colts defense. What does that mean for Larry Johnson, who broke the NFL record for carries this season, with 17 touchdowns and almost 1,800 yards? A guy who had close to an MVP season if it wasn’t for some guy playing in San Diego? I’ll put it in the words of my good friend Dan Gabel, who had this to say about the Chiefs-Colts game. “LJ might as well drop a deuce on the field.” Translation…he is going to shit on the Colts. I agree. I’m not going to waste my time and highlight what the Colts do well (we all know already) because it hasn’t helped them in the latter weeks of the season. I’m taking the Chiefs for the “first” road upset of the week.

Dallas Cowboys at Seattle Seahawks (Hawks -3)

I don’t know why, but this game doesn’t appeal to me very much. I don’t know if it’s because I’m sick of T.O.’s whining, or the fact that both of these teams have been so inconsistent all year, but I honestly don’t feel that the Super Bowl champ, or loser for that matter, will come from this game. Regardless, I still have to analyze it (If that’s why I claim to do) and there are some notable subplots going on. First off, the coaches; Bill Parcells and Mike Holmgren, both future Hall of Famers, both earn more bragging points with a victory. Second, the receiving cores; a deadly combo (Owens and Glenn) vs. a ball spreading foursome, that’s right, a “ball-spreading-foursome” (Branch, Jackson, Burleson, Engram).

I’ll also throw in two players of interest in this game, who probably have a lot more to prove than anyone else, one being Tony Romo and the other being Shaun Alexander. Romo started off red-hot after filling in for Bledsoe earlier in the season, but has cooled-off substantially, costing his team the division, a first round-bye and the always important “hottest team heading into the playoffs” label. If that isn’t enough, it’s also hurting Tony’s quality of poon as well. When he was doing everything right, he was linked to Jessica Simpson, but as his decline began, lesser attractive Carrie Underwood was spotted cheering him on in the skybox. If this goes on any further, he will have the chick from Ugly Betty sitting on the sidelines during pre-season. By opening day…we reach DEFCON 1, a drunken, boob-revealing Tara Reid puking on him after a 40-point-blowout. He better get his act together.

As for Alexander, does anyone remember this guy? He broke the rushing record last year, was named MVP, took his team to the Super Bowl, and now has practically fallen off the face of the Earth, because LaDanian Tomlinson (LT if ya nasty) is doing everything he has done and better. That’s got to hurt. Plus he is yet another player who has to deal with the scrutiny of the Madden cover jinx, after missing six games due to the video game related injury. The question is whether he is back to form from last year. Considering he had five touchdowns in December I’ll say yes. When I factor in his 3.6 yards per carry, I only get a little weary. But I like Seattle to win for two reasons. One, they have one of the best home-field advantages in the league, which has been rumored to use crowd-enhancing speakers. Two, they have an underrated defense that causes a lot of turnovers (something a struggling Romo does not need right now). This game may be the toughest one to pick, because I don’t know which Cowboys team will show up. With that said, I’ll take the defending NFC champs.

New York Jets at New England Patriots (Pats -81/2)

Surprise, surprise, the Jets are the biggest underdogs of the weekend. However, I think they like it that way. They have been dogs all season, no need for it to change right now. Before I write anything about this game, I would like to note that no matter what I know about match-ups, I’m taking the Jets to win. I want all my picks to be right, and I don’t want the Jets to lose, so I’m left with no choice. If I ever make it as a sportswriter, I will become the biggest “homer” (phrase used to describe home-town loyalists) in the history of sports journalism, and I don’t care. There are 29 other teams to give fair and balanced analysis to. When it comes to the Jets, Mets, Knicks and Liberty, I want them to win (sarcastic smile).

So, do they have a chance? First off, it is really hard to say which team has the advantage from playing each other twice already this season. Both road teams won, and it’s pretty safe to say everyone will be looking at the coaching match-up way more than the two teams playing on the field. So when it gets down to Man-Genius vs. Beli-Bitch, there is the obvious factor that both men know one another well, and will be trying to anticipate opposing plays all day. But who has the advantage here? Everyone says Beli-Bitch, the older and wiser of the two, but I honestly think it’s the Genius. Think about it, he knows Beli-Bitch the head coach, from his years in New England. On the other hand, the mentor only knows his star pupil as such, a defensive back coach and a defensive coordinator for one season. The Genius is like Luke Skywalker, strong with the force, but young and untested. Beli-Bitch is like Darth Vader. Evil. Cold. Ugly, with a face that looks like a decaying turd. Who would you root for?

The recently named “Most Improved Player of the Year,” Chad Pennington will have to follow Michael Scott’s proven mantra of KISS (Keep it simple stupid). That means no turnovers, especially interceptions turned into points, which Chad either avoided this season or provided in bundles, depending on the game. Another key factor will be the Jets in the Red Zone. The Patriots are widely known for their stinginess in this area of the field, and the Jets have struggled there this season. The Jets are going to need a lot of different scenarios to win. An uncharacteristic turnover fest from Brady, a few big plays from big playmakers Laveranues Coles and Leon “Neon” Washington or anything else that could penetrate and rattle the Patriots defense. Regardless of how it happens, the Patriots dynasty needs to, and WILL end with a Jets win. The Death Star has to be blown up, the Evil Empire has to be destroyed, and the decaying turd has to bow down to the power of the Man-Genius! JETS win!

New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles (Eagles -7)

Before I dissect the last game of the weekend, I must say how amazing it is to have an all New York playoff football Sunday, against two division rivals to boot. I think some local wives across the country may witness their husbands having seizures at around 4 p.m. from sports overload, foaming at the mouths while knocking over their plates of wings and nachos. This has the potential for a full-blown epidemic.

The Giants should have that “just happy to be here” attitude for this game, but something tells me Tiki Barber isn’t satisfied. If this is his last season, it could have ended a lot worse, but now at least he has the chance to make something amazing happen, and it will only take winning four games on the road (ask the 05 Steelers, it’s not that unthinkable). Unfortunately, the 06 Giants are not that team, and a bunch of question marks attribute to that. Eli Manning didn’t make a noticeable improvement in his third year. He raised his horrible completion percentage to a slightly respectable 57.7, but threw for 500 less yards and one more interception. I really feel a lot of what this team needs to do falls on him, considering Tiki had a perfect performance last Saturday, and the Redskins still kept it close.

At the same time, this team has had been hit hard by the injury bug for two straight seasons now, and one of those losses, Amani Toomer, is severely affecting Manning. It’s hard to move the chains without your possession receiver. While Plaxico is exciting, he really has only a few, albeit big catches per game, and if those plays aren’t made, he’s a non-factor. On the D-side, the loss of Strahan leaves the Giants without the pass-rushing attack they have relied on in the past two seasons, and Coach Coughlin will really need to be smart in how he uses his linebackers, and where they are in coverage.

Problem is, and I mentioned it earlier, the Giants have drawn “the hottest team going into the playoffs,” as the Eagles are clicking on all cylinders. Their offense is looking very balanced right now, as Brian Westbrook (perhaps the most underrated player in the league) and the re-born Jeff Garcia are thriving. On top of that, they are playing in Philly, and the crazed fans will be smelling blood just like the Eagles defense already set claim to. Brian Dawkins said his team is going to “dominate” Eli this weekend, and not in the way he likes it, which involves whips, chains, whistles, yoyo’s, my grandmother giving me the finger riding on a bicycle and a duck. Are you crying? (Sorry, totally obscure Black Sheep reference).

I guess it’s all up to the level of confidence the Giants have left in them, and the following quote by Linebacker Antonio Pierce sums it up well. When asked by the Post about responding to Dawkins “dominance” remarks, Pierce simply said, “We [the Giants] haven’t dominated all year, so why should I say that?” Yikes…I’m going to take the Eagles.

FOCKKKKK!!

Giants sweep in, and veto Zito deal to Mets

Wait, he’s got a wicked curve? He calls everyone dude? Wow, that’s got to be worth $126 million. The dude part alone is a prerequisite on the Hall of Fame ballot. Cy Young did it to his teammates all the time.
I have to admit it, when I first heard Zito signed with the Giants I was shocked. It kind of felt like your girlfriend cheating on you, like a line of trust was broken. But this is because like most Mets fans, I possessed this naïve confidence that no matter what, Barry Zito would eventually sign with the team and become their number one starter next year. I thought Minaya would get his man and that this year’s biggest free agent pitcher, about to sign his career defining contract, would love to come to the Mets and contend for a World Series. Everything was set in place. The wheels were already in motion.
But then, as the free agent pool continued to drain, Zito’ status remained in limbo. I’d get IM’s from fellow Met friends everyday saying, “What’s going on with Zito? You think he’ll sign with Texas? I have huge anal warts.” (OK, ignore that last one). What seemed inevitable became very doubtful, as the days turned into weeks. When I listened to Scott “the Devil” Boras on Michael Kay just one week ago, he said it was down to six teams, and a deal would be reached in the next 15-20 days. I didn’t like the sound of that. At that point, Amazin fans were on pins and needles, because the deal could happen at any moment, and the Mets were in no way the frontrunners.
And then yesterday when my friend Jon IM’ed me that Zito was probably signing with the Giants, I made nothing of it. That team came out of left field to me. But two minutes later, I noticed another blinking orange IM icon on my screen. It was my friend Jeff, another diehard Mets fan. This can’t be good, I was afraid to drag and click. Yet when I finally did…my worst fear became a reality. (And I should add how ironic it was that when you receive an IM, the icon blinks from blue to orange, the Mets colors. A tragic case of foreshadowing)
So obviously, I went on to hold three simultaneous AIM conversations with my three biggest Met friends (Jon “the pessimist,” Jeff “the optimist,” and Meir “the fanatical, lives and dies by the Mets pessimist,”). At the start, we were all miserable about it. But soon enough, after enough Boras bashing and “what’s our next move” questioning, there was some light at the end of the tunnel. We began to ponder, is Zito worth even half of 126 million? Is is worth our time and money, to sign him to a ridiculous long term contract, with possible detrimental effects to our team’s future? Didn’t we learn anything from Mo Vaughn?
OK, Barry Zito is no Mo Vaughn, but at the same time what exactly is he? Let’s break down his seven year career in the majors. He peaked in 2002, his Cy Young year, going 23-5 with a 2.75 ERA. He also had a decent 2001. But what about the bulk of his career, between 2003-05? 39-36 with a 3.9 ERA. And this year, he must have really impressed the market with his 16-10 record and 3.8 ERA. The truth is Barry Zito is a slightly above average pitcher, and most of that is due to the fact of how durable he has been. He is at the top of the list in starts and innings pitched in the past five years. While he is also fourth in wins, his highest win total aside from his Cy Young year is 17, and the amount of W’s is mostly attributed to his amount of starts.
Now I’m not saying I wouldn’t have welcomed Zito to the Mets. The fact that he stays so healthy is not a bad thing at all, especially for the injury plagued, over-the-hill rotation the Mets currently sport. But if Minaya had to even come close to the deal the Giants signed with the devil (literally), than I commend our Dominican GM for passing. So there, we have some clarity on the Zito deal. We were so desperate to get a starter, especially a young one with a good reputation, but it wasn’t worth breaking the bank for. But have fun in San Fran Barry, watching your fellow “Barry,” Bonds that is, inject steroids into his testicles while turning your first season into a homerun record chasing media circus. Should be a fun time.

(I would like to add that my older brother Avi wanted me to mention that he likes to call Barry Zito, Barry Ziti. And yes he is a high paid lawyer.)

Merry Christmas from Mango and friends!

As Kyle from South Park once said, “It’s hard to be a Jew on Christmas.” Well it will be a little easier this year, because of a sweet day of games for the Sports Jew and his non-gentile friends to enjoy.

First off will be the now “traditionally mandatory” match-up of the Lakers and Heat. When this game first occurred two years ago, it was meant to hype up the first Kobe vs. Shaq battle since their big split. But now that the two guys finally kissed and made up, and because Shaq plays less games than Rebecca Lobo in her prime lately, it is now built around the match-up between Kobe and D-Wade, which is a lot more exciting if you ask me. I rather see Kobe trade dunks and improbable shots with Wade, than watch Shaq’s slow motion moves in the post. Just makes for more entertaining television if you ask me.

After that we switch over to football with a big division match-up between the Eagles and Cowboys. Now that the Giants have almost officially blown this season, it will be up to Philly and Dallas to see who wins the NFC East, while both teams have already clinched playoff births. This game also marks the first time Jeff Garcia faces off against T.O. since their “breakup” in San Fran, which ended with the star receiver accusing his quarterback of being a homosexual. I say just for the hell of it, Garcia should blow kisses to T.O. every time he enter the field, and do things like waive to him in a feminine manner while saying “Heeeeey Terrell!” in a really effeminate voice. That should add some intrigue to this one.

And finally, we cap the night off with Jets. Vs. Dolphins on Monday Night Football. No surprise here that this game strikes my fancy the most (damn you Garcia!) as the Jets can lock up the final playoff spot with a win against the Dolphins. I say this because all they would need to do after that is beat Oakland in the last week of the season. The Raiders are a team currently in what I call “bizzaro playoff hunt mode,” in which your season has been so meaningless, that you try to finish with the league’s worst record to land the number one pick in the NFL draft. I have total faith in Oakland throwing all their integrity aside and achieving this goal, so the Jets really need to take care of business in Miami to take control of their own destiny. It all rests on Chad Pennington. Hopefully the recent release of “We Are Marshall” will inspire him. We could use Matthew McConaughey on the sideline in aviators saying, “alight, alright” after every first down for good measure.

Merry Christmas everybody!

“Matt Geiger is an ugly man”

The NBA season so far.

Alright, alright. It’s time to take a little break from the NFL, and divert some much needed attention to the first month and a half of the NBA season. Going into the 06-07 campaign, I had very little interest or faith in the league this year, most of this having to do with the dreadful forecast in line for the Knicks. If this sounds familiar, it’s because I had a very similar attitude towards the Jets this year. While the Jets have surpassed my expectations by a mile, the Knicks…well, they’re just about where I thought they’d be at. And they added a good ole brawl for good measure!

Isiah Thomas has proven that his off the court incompetence isn’t just limited to managing, but to coaching the Knicks as well. I think it was a few weeks ago when in the late stages of the game, and the Knicks down by a few, Zeke decided to truly demonstrate his worth to this team by arguing a call, getting two technicals and getting the boot. His retarded rant gave the opposing team a free throw and a possession. It’s truly something when your coach could affect the outcome of a game in such a negative way.

One more quick note about Zeke, before I continue on to some other notes about the Knicks and the NBA season so far. Has anyone noticed the puzzle piece on his lapel? I don’t know what it represents, I would hope it’s for a charity; but does anyone agree that Isiah may be trying to say he is the missing piece of the puzzle? That would truly be something. In my view, I don’t think the man can even complete a puzzle. He strikes me as the type of guy who would try to help his daughter match that one really irregular piece, only to get frustrated, start cursing, and then eventually jam it into the wrong spot. His daughter would look down at the puzzle in confusion, and then look back at her father, now sporting his classic creepy Isiah Thomas smile. So in a nutshell, that’s what I think of Isiah’s coaching style.

Moving right along, this season has provided some interesting subplots in its early stages. The Knicks managed to follow “Suspension Fest ’06” with two games that started synonymously with their season so far (getting blown out at home), only to comeback in amazing fashion to win both with two buzzer beaters! Is it something to marvel at in the moment? Of course. Does it mean the Knicks have a shot at doing something this year? Let’s find out.

A brawl, two buzzer beaters and a rebounding machine with a Jew-fro

I think that sums up the Knicks season so far, no? First off, here’s my two cents on the brawl. I didn’t see it live, so its hard to base my opinion in the context of what happened, especially what led up to it. All I will say is this. Isiah Thomas definitely had something to do with it. There is evidence of him verbally provoking a hard foul, if a Nugget drove to the basket (and yes, he was sporting the creepy smile while doing so). Mardy Collins was definitely the fall-guy in the situation, kind of like when they send a newbie to whack someone in the mafia. You’re not really going to miss his presence if your enemies (the NBA in this case) try to retaliate.

With that said, Carmelo Anthony definitely threw one hell of a sucker punch. I can only imagine his girlfriend, Lala from MTV, calling him a “punk-ass bitch” later in the night, and refusing to let him “hit that.” But the person who let me down the most in this whole thing is Nate Robinson. I really had high hopes for him coming into this year, and as of right now, these are the two things he is best know for this season. 1. Attempting a self alley-oop, and missing horribly. 2. Jumping on J.R. Smith like a cliché midget character in a movie when provoked with a barrage of “midget jokes.” On top of that, he is averaging -5 assists per game. Mighty Mouse has certainly not come to save the day. Zing!

But as low as the Knicks looked Sunday morning on the front page of every New York tabloid, they managed to revamp their image with two amazing finishes. Game-winning buzzer beaters are simply too rare and thrilling to ignore. But this team is still a mess in my view; without a real leader, without any intensity or effort on defense and “with” Isiah Thomas still calling the shots. They’re lucky they are playing in the worst division in NBA history as Greg Anthony labeled the Atlantic on ESPN radio, because I think the playoffs are a very realistic goal even for them.

More ball swapping than a Jenna Jameson film

When I first saw the new NBA ball, only one thing caught my attention. Why don’t the lines go all the way around? Instead, the seams (I guess that’s what you can call them) connect to create a futuristic looking ball, that I could imagine Neo and Morpheus would use for a pick-up game. Oddly enough, NBA analysts never discussed the ball’s new design. The debate over the new rock was all about its grip and bounce. I don’t really have a point here.

Rocky Mountain A.I.

The Allen Iverson trade fiasco didn’t last nearly as long as I thought it would, and even more surprisingly, Billy King scored a pretty decent deal. He got cap relief (Joe Smith’s expiring contract) a solid point guard (Dre Miller) and two first round picks. Sure those picks will be in the late first round, but this team is going to have a high first rounder next year as well. Plus there have been a bunch of talented guys going 20-29 recently, just look at David Lee. Now all King has to do is not fuck up this very important draft in 07. He probably will though.

As for Iverson’s impact in Denver, it’s going to take two re-adjustment periods. First when A.I. makes his debut with the team, and then when Melo is thrown back in the mix. It has the potential to be great, but no one with able to know for sure until some games get played. I don’t like to predict things that are so new and untested, as in Iverson playing alongside another superstar for the first time in his career. This is a guy whose big teammates have included a rejuvenated and bald Matt Geiger, which reminds me of a game from the Sixers finals run in 2001 on TNT. During the post game studio session, while breaking down the action, Charles Barkley decided to interject with this insightful observation. “Matt Geiger is an ugly man.” Sportscasting at its finest if you ask me.

One thing about A.I…he has to watch out in Denver. He’s not in Philly anymore, a city full of crazies who booed Santa Claus. He is now playing in a strict, conservative city, where Kobe was put on a witch trial. So Allen, you may want to take it easy with the gun-wielding drunken ambushes at your baby’s mama’s place. And if so, at least put a pair of pants on. Other than that, I think they have a shot at the title.

A tale of two teams…

Why are Gang Green and the G-Men both 6-5 going into week 13? Because of coaching, injuries, scheduling, team chemistry, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and of course…the media.

It's quite the anomaly. Anomaly, meaning irregularity or abnormality. And if you don't know what those words mean, you're retarded. Going into this season, no one gave the Jets a chance to win more than 4 games, and for the most part, the Giants were being labeled a playoff contender in the crapshoot which is the National Football Conference (NFC). The reasoning for such? Justifiable. The Jets had no offensive identity, including an injury prone quarterback, a hall of fame running back at the end of his career and an unproven, untested offensive line. Their defense had scattered talent playing under a new coach, and in a new defensive scheme, the 3-4.

No one was labeling the Giants as serious contenders, but in the NFC East, they had as good a chance as anyone. And with a very proven offense, and a defense that included two pro bowl defensive ends, they were, as sportswriters like to say "better on paper" than the New York Jets. So why are both teams at the same record, almost two-thirds into the season? As my headline so clearly states, there are many factors determining why the Jets have overachieved so much at 6-5, and why the Giants are crumbling at…6-5. I want to focus on one team at a time, because both season stories are so different, it would be dizzying to compare their pros and cons. In the end, I will try to determine the fate of both teams, if they are playing in January, and if either have a chance to make something of it.

Let's start off with the Jets. Many people don't feel what the Jets are doing is something spectacular, and the truth is they're right. The Jets are not an elite team, and there's no reason they should be. But this is what irks me about Jets antagonism in 2006. Some sports analysts claim that the only games the Jets are winning are against bad teams and that with the exception of a win in New England, they do not have one impressive victory to stand on. OK, in an ignorant sense, that's true. But the Jets are still a good team, and for that same reason. Good teams are supposed to beat bad teams. It means they did their homework, exploited their opponent's weaknesses and won the game. That's why teams like Arizona and Detroit are bad teams. They don't win those so called "gimmes" on their schedule, and the games they do win are usually by chance.

In addition to that, the Jets have competed in every game but one this year, another impressive footnote in this noteworthy season. If you subtract the Jacksonville game where they obviously phoned it in, their other four losses all displayed the competitive side of this team. They were getting blown out by the Pats, but almost staged a last minute comeback. They had the Colts beat, but got iced by a 2 minute drill ala Peyton Manning (he does it all the time). The Browns game?? Well when a potential game winning touchdown isn't reviewed as a blatant force-out, you got to chalk that up to horrible officiating. Finally, the Chicago game was a good defensive stalemate, until the Bears cracked the board with a field goal. They wrapped it up with a td, only scored due to a missed Jets tackle.

And yet, that one missed tackle is a good example of what this Jets season has been so far. It was just "one" mixed tackle. Not a series of blown plays, or interceptions, or penalties. This team has been playing to their fullest potential all year, and then some. This has been especially evident on the offensive end. You probably couldn't trade their starting offense for any other team at the start of the season, and now they are looking better than half the pack. You have to credit an amazing draft which solidified their offensive line, a year after it fell apart. Can you believe that? It's been taking Arizona years to do the same thing, and they're still no where close, while the Jets are pretty much a tackle short of having an elite o-line. It's truly outstanding.

OK, now for the Giants. Remember those factors I was talking about? They were mostly applying to the G-Men. Plain and simple, before the Giants even snapped one play this year, they had a brutal schedule to go through. If you don't believe me, just check it out. Non division games included Indy, Seattle, Chicago, Jacksonville, Carolina and what was supposed to be a gimme in Week 15 before the season is now not, the surprising Saints. They only have two easy games on their schedule, Houston and Tennessee, and Tampa Bay even though they made the playoffs last year. So right away, it was going to be a battle for the Giants to win 10 games this season. Considering their schedule had no weak spots, they finished the first half of the season at 6-2. Their division record? 3-0. Their competition? Looking very shaky. It was a good time to be Giants fan, even though their star running back had just announced his retirement at seasons end.

Then, the injuries started to pile up. They lost both of their starting ends. They lost their no. 1 cornerback. They lost two of their outside linebackers. They lost their number two receiver. Well Tiki, your last season is going to be your biggest workload as well. Oh sorry, you just lost your left tackle as well. And that isn't even the full extent of it. So before I continue, let me say this. For the second straight year, the Giants have been almost completely decimated by injury, so regardless of what happens this year, they get a pass. But the team can't worry about that now. They desperately need to put their awful injury luck behind them, and try to save this season.

I'm not going to bother talking about the Bears or Jaguars losses. Those were two good teams, and the Giants were in fine shape going into an easy bounce back game vs. Tennessee. But that game was beyond discussion, and while radio hosts, newspaper columnists and TV personalities have been dissecting it all week, I'm going to save some time and make it pretty simple for everyone. You know who's fault it was they lost that game? Mathias Kiwa"fuckin"anuka! I'm sick of hearing idiots like Michael Kay attack Coughlin for chewing him out after the play. He missed a fucking tackle! Why is he worrying about getting a penalty when he hasn't even finished his assignment? In the NLF you only get credit for bringing your opponent to his FUCKING KNEES. This isn't touch football, you have to make sure that quarterback is down, and not worry about getting a 15 yard penalty in the process. I am still baffled as to why this rookie is getting off so easily for his lame ass excuse.

So what does peanut butter and jelly sandwiches have to do with all of this? Nothing really, actually. My brother just pointed out that during Michael Strahan's tirade on that ESPN reporter he was snacking on said sandwich. And there really isn't anything more offensive than an angry football player in your face while he licks peanut butter out of gapped teeth. As for the media's effect on the Giants lately, it's all self inflicted. The media are always going to be in you face, after a big loss, win, whatever. It's up to the team to provide the material for the picture that will ultimately be painted on TV and print. And the Giants are doing nothing to help themselves in this case. Can you believe that all of this nonsense wit Coughlin, Tiki, Strahan and Shockey has actually rendered the initials TO utterly useless to the media this week? I have to assume Parcells is thrilled about that. I just hope the Giants are coming up with a game-plan for the Cowboys, because despite what Shockey believes, this isn't the same team they creamed on Monday Night Football. I should point out that I've really grown to dislike the Giants talkative tight end. He is writing a lot of checks that his ass can't cash, and for a player to talk as much as him, he should really back it up on the field. He's been mediocre all year, and the less he does, the more he wines.

So in closing, just where do these teams stand as far as playoffs are concerned? As screwed as the Giants seem, they have a better chance solely because they play in the NFC. If they have to compete for the last playoff spot, it would be with the Rams, Vikings, 49ers and Falcons. I have to assume that even with their injuries, they're better than all those teams. Unfortunately, their remaining schedule will definitely not help their case. Dallas, Carolina, Philly, New Orleans and Washington. The Jets remaining schedule? Green Bay, Buffalo, Miami, Minnesota and Oakland. The remaining teams ahead of the Jets for the final two playoff spots? Denver, Kansas City, Cincy and Jacksonville. It's the Giants schedule vs. the Jets mountain climb. Take your pick.

And as for these teams Super Bowl chances, mark my words…neither of these teams will win one playoff game. Unless of course, they win a playoff game, kind of negating what I just wrote.