THE MAN-GENIUS VS. BELI-BITCH…ROUND 3:

NFL Wildcard Weekend Playoff Preview

I begin this, my highly anticipated (words “highly” and “anticipated” in question) NFL Wildcard Weekend preview with an amendment of sorts, for the nickname I use to describe one Eric Mangini. In previous columns I referred to the Jets rookie coach as “Mangina,” a term first introduced to this world in the critically acclaimed Oscar winning film, “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.” Early on, my friend rebuffed my immature sense of humor, questioning as to why I would use such a demoralizing nickname for a man who has done so much for me. Well now, four days after the Jets, a team I had lower expectations for than the film “Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause,” have clinched a playoff berth, it is now time to eradicate Mangina, and crown…”THE MAN-GENIUS!”

OK, I didn’t come up with that one, and I’m still curious as to who initially did, but there is no better way to dub the chubby first-year coach. Heading into a playoff hunt with four teams (Bengals, Broncos, Chiefs and Jaguars) who all had much better pre-season prognosis’s, I knew the Jets would have to win out. After losing to Buffalo, a lot of people, like my horribly pessimistic father, lost hope. I didn’t. They were still in great mathematical shape, and had smooth sailings ahead, in regards to their schedule. Take two straight wins and a couple of Jacksonville losses, and the Jets did what nobody thought was possible. Well, except for the Man-Genius of course.

I have a gut feeling he knew from the get-go that with his team’s schedule, good health (minus Curtis Martin) and staggeringly low expectations, that a respectable season was possible. The Jets 2006-07 campaign has far superseded that. I have never been more proud of any of my sports teams, and the way they progressively matured and played better throughout the season is totally indicative of their coaching. In no other sport can you say this. I love Willie Randolph, but I don’t think him sitting on his ass, eating ranch flavored sunflower seeds while signaling Chad Bradford into the game is anywhere near what Man-Genius and his coaching staff have accomplished this year.

But enough Jets-jocking, because I can go on for days. It is time for the predictions. First, the non-New York Saturday games which I am slowly caring a lot less about…

Kansas City Chiefs at Indianapolis Colts (Colts -7)

So the Chiefs are in the Playoffs after an upsetting Sunday for the Denver Broncos, which saw their playoff hopes get crushed, followed by the tragic death of cornerback Darrent Williams. That means Herman Edwards, the Jets former coach, has now gotten another team into the playoffs in his first year with the team. It also pits him against his former mentor and head coach in Tony Dungy (the two previously worked together in Tampa), yet this match-up isn’t receiving nearly as much scrutiny as Man-Genius/Beli-Bitch.

This is probably because of the glaring match-up that is just too obvious not to exploit, that being Larry Johnson vs. Indy’s run defense. If you haven’t been following the Colts this year, let me fill you in a little on their Swiss cheese D, as Walt Frazier loves to call it. I compare their run defense best to those big paper banners players run through at the start of every game, that tear and break-apart easily upon contact. That’s the Colts front seven. They are almost as ineffective as a sheet of paper. Thick expensive paper I assume, but paper nonetheless. Need an example? In Week 16, they let Ron Dayne go for 153 yards and two touchdowns. Ron Dayne! The guy had two touchdowns in the past two seasons combined! On top of that, the man injured his ankle at the beginning of the second quarter, had to get it bandaged, and continued to run wild on the Colts. I can imagine him now, going “Ya can’t stop me! Ya can’t stop me! I’m too nice!” while knowing good and well that this would never happen against any other team. It’s nice the former Heisman winner turned huge bust had one day in his career to shine.

So at this point, I’m convinced early 90’s singer Taylor Dayne could muster at least 65 yards and a touchdown on the Colts defense. What does that mean for Larry Johnson, who broke the NFL record for carries this season, with 17 touchdowns and almost 1,800 yards? A guy who had close to an MVP season if it wasn’t for some guy playing in San Diego? I’ll put it in the words of my good friend Dan Gabel, who had this to say about the Chiefs-Colts game. “LJ might as well drop a deuce on the field.” Translation…he is going to shit on the Colts. I agree. I’m not going to waste my time and highlight what the Colts do well (we all know already) because it hasn’t helped them in the latter weeks of the season. I’m taking the Chiefs for the “first” road upset of the week.

Dallas Cowboys at Seattle Seahawks (Hawks -3)

I don’t know why, but this game doesn’t appeal to me very much. I don’t know if it’s because I’m sick of T.O.’s whining, or the fact that both of these teams have been so inconsistent all year, but I honestly don’t feel that the Super Bowl champ, or loser for that matter, will come from this game. Regardless, I still have to analyze it (If that’s why I claim to do) and there are some notable subplots going on. First off, the coaches; Bill Parcells and Mike Holmgren, both future Hall of Famers, both earn more bragging points with a victory. Second, the receiving cores; a deadly combo (Owens and Glenn) vs. a ball spreading foursome, that’s right, a “ball-spreading-foursome” (Branch, Jackson, Burleson, Engram).

I’ll also throw in two players of interest in this game, who probably have a lot more to prove than anyone else, one being Tony Romo and the other being Shaun Alexander. Romo started off red-hot after filling in for Bledsoe earlier in the season, but has cooled-off substantially, costing his team the division, a first round-bye and the always important “hottest team heading into the playoffs” label. If that isn’t enough, it’s also hurting Tony’s quality of poon as well. When he was doing everything right, he was linked to Jessica Simpson, but as his decline began, lesser attractive Carrie Underwood was spotted cheering him on in the skybox. If this goes on any further, he will have the chick from Ugly Betty sitting on the sidelines during pre-season. By opening day…we reach DEFCON 1, a drunken, boob-revealing Tara Reid puking on him after a 40-point-blowout. He better get his act together.

As for Alexander, does anyone remember this guy? He broke the rushing record last year, was named MVP, took his team to the Super Bowl, and now has practically fallen off the face of the Earth, because LaDanian Tomlinson (LT if ya nasty) is doing everything he has done and better. That’s got to hurt. Plus he is yet another player who has to deal with the scrutiny of the Madden cover jinx, after missing six games due to the video game related injury. The question is whether he is back to form from last year. Considering he had five touchdowns in December I’ll say yes. When I factor in his 3.6 yards per carry, I only get a little weary. But I like Seattle to win for two reasons. One, they have one of the best home-field advantages in the league, which has been rumored to use crowd-enhancing speakers. Two, they have an underrated defense that causes a lot of turnovers (something a struggling Romo does not need right now). This game may be the toughest one to pick, because I don’t know which Cowboys team will show up. With that said, I’ll take the defending NFC champs.

New York Jets at New England Patriots (Pats -81/2)

Surprise, surprise, the Jets are the biggest underdogs of the weekend. However, I think they like it that way. They have been dogs all season, no need for it to change right now. Before I write anything about this game, I would like to note that no matter what I know about match-ups, I’m taking the Jets to win. I want all my picks to be right, and I don’t want the Jets to lose, so I’m left with no choice. If I ever make it as a sportswriter, I will become the biggest “homer” (phrase used to describe home-town loyalists) in the history of sports journalism, and I don’t care. There are 29 other teams to give fair and balanced analysis to. When it comes to the Jets, Mets, Knicks and Liberty, I want them to win (sarcastic smile).

So, do they have a chance? First off, it is really hard to say which team has the advantage from playing each other twice already this season. Both road teams won, and it’s pretty safe to say everyone will be looking at the coaching match-up way more than the two teams playing on the field. So when it gets down to Man-Genius vs. Beli-Bitch, there is the obvious factor that both men know one another well, and will be trying to anticipate opposing plays all day. But who has the advantage here? Everyone says Beli-Bitch, the older and wiser of the two, but I honestly think it’s the Genius. Think about it, he knows Beli-Bitch the head coach, from his years in New England. On the other hand, the mentor only knows his star pupil as such, a defensive back coach and a defensive coordinator for one season. The Genius is like Luke Skywalker, strong with the force, but young and untested. Beli-Bitch is like Darth Vader. Evil. Cold. Ugly, with a face that looks like a decaying turd. Who would you root for?

The recently named “Most Improved Player of the Year,” Chad Pennington will have to follow Michael Scott’s proven mantra of KISS (Keep it simple stupid). That means no turnovers, especially interceptions turned into points, which Chad either avoided this season or provided in bundles, depending on the game. Another key factor will be the Jets in the Red Zone. The Patriots are widely known for their stinginess in this area of the field, and the Jets have struggled there this season. The Jets are going to need a lot of different scenarios to win. An uncharacteristic turnover fest from Brady, a few big plays from big playmakers Laveranues Coles and Leon “Neon” Washington or anything else that could penetrate and rattle the Patriots defense. Regardless of how it happens, the Patriots dynasty needs to, and WILL end with a Jets win. The Death Star has to be blown up, the Evil Empire has to be destroyed, and the decaying turd has to bow down to the power of the Man-Genius! JETS win!

New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles (Eagles -7)

Before I dissect the last game of the weekend, I must say how amazing it is to have an all New York playoff football Sunday, against two division rivals to boot. I think some local wives across the country may witness their husbands having seizures at around 4 p.m. from sports overload, foaming at the mouths while knocking over their plates of wings and nachos. This has the potential for a full-blown epidemic.

The Giants should have that “just happy to be here” attitude for this game, but something tells me Tiki Barber isn’t satisfied. If this is his last season, it could have ended a lot worse, but now at least he has the chance to make something amazing happen, and it will only take winning four games on the road (ask the 05 Steelers, it’s not that unthinkable). Unfortunately, the 06 Giants are not that team, and a bunch of question marks attribute to that. Eli Manning didn’t make a noticeable improvement in his third year. He raised his horrible completion percentage to a slightly respectable 57.7, but threw for 500 less yards and one more interception. I really feel a lot of what this team needs to do falls on him, considering Tiki had a perfect performance last Saturday, and the Redskins still kept it close.

At the same time, this team has had been hit hard by the injury bug for two straight seasons now, and one of those losses, Amani Toomer, is severely affecting Manning. It’s hard to move the chains without your possession receiver. While Plaxico is exciting, he really has only a few, albeit big catches per game, and if those plays aren’t made, he’s a non-factor. On the D-side, the loss of Strahan leaves the Giants without the pass-rushing attack they have relied on in the past two seasons, and Coach Coughlin will really need to be smart in how he uses his linebackers, and where they are in coverage.

Problem is, and I mentioned it earlier, the Giants have drawn “the hottest team going into the playoffs,” as the Eagles are clicking on all cylinders. Their offense is looking very balanced right now, as Brian Westbrook (perhaps the most underrated player in the league) and the re-born Jeff Garcia are thriving. On top of that, they are playing in Philly, and the crazed fans will be smelling blood just like the Eagles defense already set claim to. Brian Dawkins said his team is going to “dominate” Eli this weekend, and not in the way he likes it, which involves whips, chains, whistles, yoyo’s, my grandmother giving me the finger riding on a bicycle and a duck. Are you crying? (Sorry, totally obscure Black Sheep reference).

I guess it’s all up to the level of confidence the Giants have left in them, and the following quote by Linebacker Antonio Pierce sums it up well. When asked by the Post about responding to Dawkins “dominance” remarks, Pierce simply said, “We [the Giants] haven’t dominated all year, so why should I say that?” Yikes…I’m going to take the Eagles.

FOCKKKKK!!

Giants sweep in, and veto Zito deal to Mets

Wait, he’s got a wicked curve? He calls everyone dude? Wow, that’s got to be worth $126 million. The dude part alone is a prerequisite on the Hall of Fame ballot. Cy Young did it to his teammates all the time.
I have to admit it, when I first heard Zito signed with the Giants I was shocked. It kind of felt like your girlfriend cheating on you, like a line of trust was broken. But this is because like most Mets fans, I possessed this naïve confidence that no matter what, Barry Zito would eventually sign with the team and become their number one starter next year. I thought Minaya would get his man and that this year’s biggest free agent pitcher, about to sign his career defining contract, would love to come to the Mets and contend for a World Series. Everything was set in place. The wheels were already in motion.
But then, as the free agent pool continued to drain, Zito’ status remained in limbo. I’d get IM’s from fellow Met friends everyday saying, “What’s going on with Zito? You think he’ll sign with Texas? I have huge anal warts.” (OK, ignore that last one). What seemed inevitable became very doubtful, as the days turned into weeks. When I listened to Scott “the Devil” Boras on Michael Kay just one week ago, he said it was down to six teams, and a deal would be reached in the next 15-20 days. I didn’t like the sound of that. At that point, Amazin fans were on pins and needles, because the deal could happen at any moment, and the Mets were in no way the frontrunners.
And then yesterday when my friend Jon IM’ed me that Zito was probably signing with the Giants, I made nothing of it. That team came out of left field to me. But two minutes later, I noticed another blinking orange IM icon on my screen. It was my friend Jeff, another diehard Mets fan. This can’t be good, I was afraid to drag and click. Yet when I finally did…my worst fear became a reality. (And I should add how ironic it was that when you receive an IM, the icon blinks from blue to orange, the Mets colors. A tragic case of foreshadowing)
So obviously, I went on to hold three simultaneous AIM conversations with my three biggest Met friends (Jon “the pessimist,” Jeff “the optimist,” and Meir “the fanatical, lives and dies by the Mets pessimist,”). At the start, we were all miserable about it. But soon enough, after enough Boras bashing and “what’s our next move” questioning, there was some light at the end of the tunnel. We began to ponder, is Zito worth even half of 126 million? Is is worth our time and money, to sign him to a ridiculous long term contract, with possible detrimental effects to our team’s future? Didn’t we learn anything from Mo Vaughn?
OK, Barry Zito is no Mo Vaughn, but at the same time what exactly is he? Let’s break down his seven year career in the majors. He peaked in 2002, his Cy Young year, going 23-5 with a 2.75 ERA. He also had a decent 2001. But what about the bulk of his career, between 2003-05? 39-36 with a 3.9 ERA. And this year, he must have really impressed the market with his 16-10 record and 3.8 ERA. The truth is Barry Zito is a slightly above average pitcher, and most of that is due to the fact of how durable he has been. He is at the top of the list in starts and innings pitched in the past five years. While he is also fourth in wins, his highest win total aside from his Cy Young year is 17, and the amount of W’s is mostly attributed to his amount of starts.
Now I’m not saying I wouldn’t have welcomed Zito to the Mets. The fact that he stays so healthy is not a bad thing at all, especially for the injury plagued, over-the-hill rotation the Mets currently sport. But if Minaya had to even come close to the deal the Giants signed with the devil (literally), than I commend our Dominican GM for passing. So there, we have some clarity on the Zito deal. We were so desperate to get a starter, especially a young one with a good reputation, but it wasn’t worth breaking the bank for. But have fun in San Fran Barry, watching your fellow “Barry,” Bonds that is, inject steroids into his testicles while turning your first season into a homerun record chasing media circus. Should be a fun time.

(I would like to add that my older brother Avi wanted me to mention that he likes to call Barry Zito, Barry Ziti. And yes he is a high paid lawyer.)

Merry Christmas from Mango and friends!

As Kyle from South Park once said, “It’s hard to be a Jew on Christmas.” Well it will be a little easier this year, because of a sweet day of games for the Sports Jew and his non-gentile friends to enjoy.

First off will be the now “traditionally mandatory” match-up of the Lakers and Heat. When this game first occurred two years ago, it was meant to hype up the first Kobe vs. Shaq battle since their big split. But now that the two guys finally kissed and made up, and because Shaq plays less games than Rebecca Lobo in her prime lately, it is now built around the match-up between Kobe and D-Wade, which is a lot more exciting if you ask me. I rather see Kobe trade dunks and improbable shots with Wade, than watch Shaq’s slow motion moves in the post. Just makes for more entertaining television if you ask me.

After that we switch over to football with a big division match-up between the Eagles and Cowboys. Now that the Giants have almost officially blown this season, it will be up to Philly and Dallas to see who wins the NFC East, while both teams have already clinched playoff births. This game also marks the first time Jeff Garcia faces off against T.O. since their “breakup” in San Fran, which ended with the star receiver accusing his quarterback of being a homosexual. I say just for the hell of it, Garcia should blow kisses to T.O. every time he enter the field, and do things like waive to him in a feminine manner while saying “Heeeeey Terrell!” in a really effeminate voice. That should add some intrigue to this one.

And finally, we cap the night off with Jets. Vs. Dolphins on Monday Night Football. No surprise here that this game strikes my fancy the most (damn you Garcia!) as the Jets can lock up the final playoff spot with a win against the Dolphins. I say this because all they would need to do after that is beat Oakland in the last week of the season. The Raiders are a team currently in what I call “bizzaro playoff hunt mode,” in which your season has been so meaningless, that you try to finish with the league’s worst record to land the number one pick in the NFL draft. I have total faith in Oakland throwing all their integrity aside and achieving this goal, so the Jets really need to take care of business in Miami to take control of their own destiny. It all rests on Chad Pennington. Hopefully the recent release of “We Are Marshall” will inspire him. We could use Matthew McConaughey on the sideline in aviators saying, “alight, alright” after every first down for good measure.

Merry Christmas everybody!

“Matt Geiger is an ugly man”

The NBA season so far.

Alright, alright. It’s time to take a little break from the NFL, and divert some much needed attention to the first month and a half of the NBA season. Going into the 06-07 campaign, I had very little interest or faith in the league this year, most of this having to do with the dreadful forecast in line for the Knicks. If this sounds familiar, it’s because I had a very similar attitude towards the Jets this year. While the Jets have surpassed my expectations by a mile, the Knicks…well, they’re just about where I thought they’d be at. And they added a good ole brawl for good measure!

Isiah Thomas has proven that his off the court incompetence isn’t just limited to managing, but to coaching the Knicks as well. I think it was a few weeks ago when in the late stages of the game, and the Knicks down by a few, Zeke decided to truly demonstrate his worth to this team by arguing a call, getting two technicals and getting the boot. His retarded rant gave the opposing team a free throw and a possession. It’s truly something when your coach could affect the outcome of a game in such a negative way.

One more quick note about Zeke, before I continue on to some other notes about the Knicks and the NBA season so far. Has anyone noticed the puzzle piece on his lapel? I don’t know what it represents, I would hope it’s for a charity; but does anyone agree that Isiah may be trying to say he is the missing piece of the puzzle? That would truly be something. In my view, I don’t think the man can even complete a puzzle. He strikes me as the type of guy who would try to help his daughter match that one really irregular piece, only to get frustrated, start cursing, and then eventually jam it into the wrong spot. His daughter would look down at the puzzle in confusion, and then look back at her father, now sporting his classic creepy Isiah Thomas smile. So in a nutshell, that’s what I think of Isiah’s coaching style.

Moving right along, this season has provided some interesting subplots in its early stages. The Knicks managed to follow “Suspension Fest ’06” with two games that started synonymously with their season so far (getting blown out at home), only to comeback in amazing fashion to win both with two buzzer beaters! Is it something to marvel at in the moment? Of course. Does it mean the Knicks have a shot at doing something this year? Let’s find out.

A brawl, two buzzer beaters and a rebounding machine with a Jew-fro

I think that sums up the Knicks season so far, no? First off, here’s my two cents on the brawl. I didn’t see it live, so its hard to base my opinion in the context of what happened, especially what led up to it. All I will say is this. Isiah Thomas definitely had something to do with it. There is evidence of him verbally provoking a hard foul, if a Nugget drove to the basket (and yes, he was sporting the creepy smile while doing so). Mardy Collins was definitely the fall-guy in the situation, kind of like when they send a newbie to whack someone in the mafia. You’re not really going to miss his presence if your enemies (the NBA in this case) try to retaliate.

With that said, Carmelo Anthony definitely threw one hell of a sucker punch. I can only imagine his girlfriend, Lala from MTV, calling him a “punk-ass bitch” later in the night, and refusing to let him “hit that.” But the person who let me down the most in this whole thing is Nate Robinson. I really had high hopes for him coming into this year, and as of right now, these are the two things he is best know for this season. 1. Attempting a self alley-oop, and missing horribly. 2. Jumping on J.R. Smith like a cliché midget character in a movie when provoked with a barrage of “midget jokes.” On top of that, he is averaging -5 assists per game. Mighty Mouse has certainly not come to save the day. Zing!

But as low as the Knicks looked Sunday morning on the front page of every New York tabloid, they managed to revamp their image with two amazing finishes. Game-winning buzzer beaters are simply too rare and thrilling to ignore. But this team is still a mess in my view; without a real leader, without any intensity or effort on defense and “with” Isiah Thomas still calling the shots. They’re lucky they are playing in the worst division in NBA history as Greg Anthony labeled the Atlantic on ESPN radio, because I think the playoffs are a very realistic goal even for them.

More ball swapping than a Jenna Jameson film

When I first saw the new NBA ball, only one thing caught my attention. Why don’t the lines go all the way around? Instead, the seams (I guess that’s what you can call them) connect to create a futuristic looking ball, that I could imagine Neo and Morpheus would use for a pick-up game. Oddly enough, NBA analysts never discussed the ball’s new design. The debate over the new rock was all about its grip and bounce. I don’t really have a point here.

Rocky Mountain A.I.

The Allen Iverson trade fiasco didn’t last nearly as long as I thought it would, and even more surprisingly, Billy King scored a pretty decent deal. He got cap relief (Joe Smith’s expiring contract) a solid point guard (Dre Miller) and two first round picks. Sure those picks will be in the late first round, but this team is going to have a high first rounder next year as well. Plus there have been a bunch of talented guys going 20-29 recently, just look at David Lee. Now all King has to do is not fuck up this very important draft in 07. He probably will though.

As for Iverson’s impact in Denver, it’s going to take two re-adjustment periods. First when A.I. makes his debut with the team, and then when Melo is thrown back in the mix. It has the potential to be great, but no one with able to know for sure until some games get played. I don’t like to predict things that are so new and untested, as in Iverson playing alongside another superstar for the first time in his career. This is a guy whose big teammates have included a rejuvenated and bald Matt Geiger, which reminds me of a game from the Sixers finals run in 2001 on TNT. During the post game studio session, while breaking down the action, Charles Barkley decided to interject with this insightful observation. “Matt Geiger is an ugly man.” Sportscasting at its finest if you ask me.

One thing about A.I…he has to watch out in Denver. He’s not in Philly anymore, a city full of crazies who booed Santa Claus. He is now playing in a strict, conservative city, where Kobe was put on a witch trial. So Allen, you may want to take it easy with the gun-wielding drunken ambushes at your baby’s mama’s place. And if so, at least put a pair of pants on. Other than that, I think they have a shot at the title.

A tale of two teams…

Why are Gang Green and the G-Men both 6-5 going into week 13? Because of coaching, injuries, scheduling, team chemistry, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and of course…the media.

It's quite the anomaly. Anomaly, meaning irregularity or abnormality. And if you don't know what those words mean, you're retarded. Going into this season, no one gave the Jets a chance to win more than 4 games, and for the most part, the Giants were being labeled a playoff contender in the crapshoot which is the National Football Conference (NFC). The reasoning for such? Justifiable. The Jets had no offensive identity, including an injury prone quarterback, a hall of fame running back at the end of his career and an unproven, untested offensive line. Their defense had scattered talent playing under a new coach, and in a new defensive scheme, the 3-4.

No one was labeling the Giants as serious contenders, but in the NFC East, they had as good a chance as anyone. And with a very proven offense, and a defense that included two pro bowl defensive ends, they were, as sportswriters like to say "better on paper" than the New York Jets. So why are both teams at the same record, almost two-thirds into the season? As my headline so clearly states, there are many factors determining why the Jets have overachieved so much at 6-5, and why the Giants are crumbling at…6-5. I want to focus on one team at a time, because both season stories are so different, it would be dizzying to compare their pros and cons. In the end, I will try to determine the fate of both teams, if they are playing in January, and if either have a chance to make something of it.

Let's start off with the Jets. Many people don't feel what the Jets are doing is something spectacular, and the truth is they're right. The Jets are not an elite team, and there's no reason they should be. But this is what irks me about Jets antagonism in 2006. Some sports analysts claim that the only games the Jets are winning are against bad teams and that with the exception of a win in New England, they do not have one impressive victory to stand on. OK, in an ignorant sense, that's true. But the Jets are still a good team, and for that same reason. Good teams are supposed to beat bad teams. It means they did their homework, exploited their opponent's weaknesses and won the game. That's why teams like Arizona and Detroit are bad teams. They don't win those so called "gimmes" on their schedule, and the games they do win are usually by chance.

In addition to that, the Jets have competed in every game but one this year, another impressive footnote in this noteworthy season. If you subtract the Jacksonville game where they obviously phoned it in, their other four losses all displayed the competitive side of this team. They were getting blown out by the Pats, but almost staged a last minute comeback. They had the Colts beat, but got iced by a 2 minute drill ala Peyton Manning (he does it all the time). The Browns game?? Well when a potential game winning touchdown isn't reviewed as a blatant force-out, you got to chalk that up to horrible officiating. Finally, the Chicago game was a good defensive stalemate, until the Bears cracked the board with a field goal. They wrapped it up with a td, only scored due to a missed Jets tackle.

And yet, that one missed tackle is a good example of what this Jets season has been so far. It was just "one" mixed tackle. Not a series of blown plays, or interceptions, or penalties. This team has been playing to their fullest potential all year, and then some. This has been especially evident on the offensive end. You probably couldn't trade their starting offense for any other team at the start of the season, and now they are looking better than half the pack. You have to credit an amazing draft which solidified their offensive line, a year after it fell apart. Can you believe that? It's been taking Arizona years to do the same thing, and they're still no where close, while the Jets are pretty much a tackle short of having an elite o-line. It's truly outstanding.

OK, now for the Giants. Remember those factors I was talking about? They were mostly applying to the G-Men. Plain and simple, before the Giants even snapped one play this year, they had a brutal schedule to go through. If you don't believe me, just check it out. Non division games included Indy, Seattle, Chicago, Jacksonville, Carolina and what was supposed to be a gimme in Week 15 before the season is now not, the surprising Saints. They only have two easy games on their schedule, Houston and Tennessee, and Tampa Bay even though they made the playoffs last year. So right away, it was going to be a battle for the Giants to win 10 games this season. Considering their schedule had no weak spots, they finished the first half of the season at 6-2. Their division record? 3-0. Their competition? Looking very shaky. It was a good time to be Giants fan, even though their star running back had just announced his retirement at seasons end.

Then, the injuries started to pile up. They lost both of their starting ends. They lost their no. 1 cornerback. They lost two of their outside linebackers. They lost their number two receiver. Well Tiki, your last season is going to be your biggest workload as well. Oh sorry, you just lost your left tackle as well. And that isn't even the full extent of it. So before I continue, let me say this. For the second straight year, the Giants have been almost completely decimated by injury, so regardless of what happens this year, they get a pass. But the team can't worry about that now. They desperately need to put their awful injury luck behind them, and try to save this season.

I'm not going to bother talking about the Bears or Jaguars losses. Those were two good teams, and the Giants were in fine shape going into an easy bounce back game vs. Tennessee. But that game was beyond discussion, and while radio hosts, newspaper columnists and TV personalities have been dissecting it all week, I'm going to save some time and make it pretty simple for everyone. You know who's fault it was they lost that game? Mathias Kiwa"fuckin"anuka! I'm sick of hearing idiots like Michael Kay attack Coughlin for chewing him out after the play. He missed a fucking tackle! Why is he worrying about getting a penalty when he hasn't even finished his assignment? In the NLF you only get credit for bringing your opponent to his FUCKING KNEES. This isn't touch football, you have to make sure that quarterback is down, and not worry about getting a 15 yard penalty in the process. I am still baffled as to why this rookie is getting off so easily for his lame ass excuse.

So what does peanut butter and jelly sandwiches have to do with all of this? Nothing really, actually. My brother just pointed out that during Michael Strahan's tirade on that ESPN reporter he was snacking on said sandwich. And there really isn't anything more offensive than an angry football player in your face while he licks peanut butter out of gapped teeth. As for the media's effect on the Giants lately, it's all self inflicted. The media are always going to be in you face, after a big loss, win, whatever. It's up to the team to provide the material for the picture that will ultimately be painted on TV and print. And the Giants are doing nothing to help themselves in this case. Can you believe that all of this nonsense wit Coughlin, Tiki, Strahan and Shockey has actually rendered the initials TO utterly useless to the media this week? I have to assume Parcells is thrilled about that. I just hope the Giants are coming up with a game-plan for the Cowboys, because despite what Shockey believes, this isn't the same team they creamed on Monday Night Football. I should point out that I've really grown to dislike the Giants talkative tight end. He is writing a lot of checks that his ass can't cash, and for a player to talk as much as him, he should really back it up on the field. He's been mediocre all year, and the less he does, the more he wines.

So in closing, just where do these teams stand as far as playoffs are concerned? As screwed as the Giants seem, they have a better chance solely because they play in the NFC. If they have to compete for the last playoff spot, it would be with the Rams, Vikings, 49ers and Falcons. I have to assume that even with their injuries, they're better than all those teams. Unfortunately, their remaining schedule will definitely not help their case. Dallas, Carolina, Philly, New Orleans and Washington. The Jets remaining schedule? Green Bay, Buffalo, Miami, Minnesota and Oakland. The remaining teams ahead of the Jets for the final two playoff spots? Denver, Kansas City, Cincy and Jacksonville. It's the Giants schedule vs. the Jets mountain climb. Take your pick.

And as for these teams Super Bowl chances, mark my words…neither of these teams will win one playoff game. Unless of course, they win a playoff game, kind of negating what I just wrote.

12-3...

That's right, that's right. In my first week ever of picking winners in the NFL, I went an impressive 12-3 (with the exception of the Miami-Pittsburgh game, which was played before I wrote my column). I don't mean to brag, it's not like I'm trying to become Matthew McConaughey's character in "2 for the money" or anything. And I never really got that character anyway. I never envisioned someone who's an expert at betting football games to be a good-looking young guy who does push-ups in his boxers. To me, its more of a fat, balding guy who runs a betting pool at his brokerage firm, and owns league pass, while playing in 5 fantasy football leagues under the name "SuzyKolber fan69".

Speaking of fantasy football, my first week in that was not as impressive. It's not a good thing when two of the quarterbacks you've selected (in this case Jake Plummer and Drew Bledsoe) are the topic of every "which qb should be benched first?" segment on SportsCenter. I really hope it doesn't come to the point where I have to pick up some guy named Tony Romo in a couple of weeks (although I am a big fan of his ribs) because Bledsucks keeps throwing the ball directly into the hands of defenders. I swear he does it sometimes just to give that "I can't catch a break" look after going to the sideline, when it's obviously his fault.

Moving right along, Week 2 of the season is almost entirely made up of divisional match-ups, some will be good games (Giants-Eagles, Jets-Patriots) others should be blowouts (Bengals-Browns, Bears-Lions). I'm going to break down the NY teams playing this weekend, both playing their biggest rivals, and both in need of a win. The Giants case is obvious, they lost the Manning Bowl and do not want to give one up the Eagles, which would put them in the early season cellar of the NFC East. The Jets on the other hand won their Week 1 game, but against the lowly Titans. A win against Mangina's old battery mates (I don't know if I'm using that term correctly) would definitely make the Jets the talk of the town. Shit, it would make them the talk of the whole league. Lets go Jets!

Patriots at Jets (Patriots favored -6 "nigga please??")

Six points, eh? Well that's two field goals Mike Nugent probably won't hit, so who knows, it could be accurate. Seriously at this point, I rather have Ted Nugent handling extra points. He has long, limber legs that could definitely clear the uprights (and with that and the McConaughey comment, I've made my first two homo-erotic references of the season, and it's only Week 2). But screw the Jets kicker, this game has so many layers, that the whole "football being 90 percent (or something) mental" saying definitely comes into play. Lets break it down, shall we?

First off, these two teams are known for swapping coaches more than Fox is for swapping wives. It all started when Parcells left the Pats to coach the Jets in 1997 (New England, many people forget, went on to hire old Jets coach and current USC coach Pete Carroll). Then when the Tuna jumped ship, Bill "the traitor" Belichick performed some "dutch-door-action" on the Jets and left for the Pats (he resigned after one day, the coward). Throw in some jabroni named Al Grogh, and it's enough to make a sitcom out of. Mangina brings the coaching carousel full circle, by giving the Jets a piece of the New England Dynasty's infamous coaching staff.

While Gina had a sub-par year taking over for Romeo Cronell as defensive coordinator last season, his claim to fame was coaching the team's excellent secondary during their 3 Super Bowl runs. In the Jets week one win, they had 3 picks, and with a secondary made up mostly nobodies. Does this compute into Mangina being a pass defense guru? It's hard to say, Kerry Collins was playing quarterback.

This week they are going against Tom Brady, who didn't dazzle much in his debut either. A big problem with that may be the lack of his favorite receiving target, Deion Branch, which brings us to another one of the game's subplots. Earlier this week, the Pats had the nerve to file tampering charges against the Jets, who claim the team tried to lure him with trade talks without conferring with their (the Pats) front office. I can only imagine how much crazier it would be if Deion did sign with the Jets, and was in the lineup for this game. I could picture him scoring a touchdown, and Asante Samuel scissor kicking him in the face, while back-flipping his way back to the locker room. (Note, I have no knowledge as to any stealth ninja skills possessed by Asante Samuels. I just think he has a cool name).

So basically, this game should be a pressing one, physically and psychologically. The big question for me and every other Jets fan is "can Chad Pennington hold up." OK, he's talented, and his passing accuracy and determination is enough to make him compete. But I've said it before, and I'll say it again, his peripheral vision leaves a lot to be desired. If Chad keeps getting blindsided by two-man rushes, while his arm is in mid-swing, there's a good chance his rotator cuff will stop rotating, and this time for good. I want to have faith, but it's way too early. However, a successful game at home vs. New England will definitely help. I'm going to have to be a homer two weeks in a row, and say the Jets will have people talking on Monday morning, and not about Desperate Housewives, which is a very gay show.

Giants at Eagles (Eagles favored 3)

So, in a very entertaining game, which included a pretty sick and under-looked td by Plaxico, big brother conquered over little one. And I basically stated in last week's column that Peyton was still the premier quarterback, even though I picked the Giants to win. Looking back, I have no idea why I did that. I basically soaked Peyton's cork for about four paragraphs, and then said, "I'm gonna take the Giants." That's like the equivalent of macking a really hot chick at a bar, and doing a real good job at it, only to forget about her and drunkenly make-out with some ugly chick at the end of the night. It doesn't make sense. It's fucking stupid.

As for this game, I can tell I'm really going to hate picking Eagles-Giants games, and anyone who has watched them can understand why. The Eagles were realistically the most underrated team going into this season, as everyone forgot Donovan McNabb went to three straight conference title games before T.O. came to town. Plus, they have a solid "core," O-Line and defensive front seven. If Stallworth is a legit no. 1 receiver, and Westbrook could have a solid year as a combo-back, there is no reason why Philly can't rebound from their disappointing 05-06 year and win the division again.

Everyone says the NFC East is the best division in football, and I'm not positive it is. Look at the AFC North with the Steelers, Bengals and Ravens, who finally look to have their defense back to Super Bowl form. Of course you cant count at the high scoring AFC West, which has three teams all capable of winning the division, and is always a fight to the end. And if Tampa can rebound from their dismembering by the Ravens, you got to think the NFC South, with three elite defenses, and a last place team with Reggie Bush could be the conference's best team. So what does this leave the NFC East as? I'd say they're definitely the most "publicized" division in football, what with the TO saga, the Cowboys being "America's team," Dan Snyder's attempt to make the Redskins the salary-capped Yankees of football, and the G-Men, New York's favorite team...that plays in New Jersey.

In this division, I think success will truly be determined by quarterback play, which should have Dallas and Washington sweating early. The Cowboys have the potential to implode more than any of the teams, and the Redskins are underachieving big time with every pre-season move they make. So who does that leave at the top of the division? The Eagles and the Giants. And hey, they have good situations at quarterback, and solid defenses as well. Only with the Eagles, they have had a better track record of not choking when the postseason comes. Sure they lost three straight conference titles games, but the Giants lost in round one last year to the Panthers, and badly. I'm liking the Eagles this week to prove their NFC East dominance, setting up a probable all green Super Bowl. Yeah, that's right.

Rest of the week's picks:
Dolphins over Bills
Vikings over Panthers
Bengals over Browns
Bears over Lions
Colts over Texans
Saints over Green Bay
Ravens over Raiders (lock pick)
Falcons over Bucs
Seahawks over Cardinals
49ers over Rams
Denver over Kansas City
Chargers over Titans
Cowboys over Redskins
Jaguars over Steelers

WEEK 1 NFL PREVIEW: THE MANNING BOWL

Well, my first attempt to write a sports column went the wayside when I was overtaken with laziness, leaving the three people (my brother, Bunz and Ian) who read the damn thing without their weekly dose of witty Dan Israeli pop culture references. But the return of my favorite sports league, the NFL, has inspired me to return, and Im back with a vengeance baby!

I dont know why the most exciting NBA playoffs in recent times, the resurgence of my beloved Nye Mets or several ridiculous side stories (like Eddie Griffin driving drunk while masturbating and crashing his car) didnt inspire me to pen a column, but for some reason the start of a NFL season does. And this is especially interesting considering the fate of my NY Jets, whose offense is so pathetic, that in my recent fantasy draft, a white receiver (Matt Jones of the Jaguars) was taken before any member of Gang Green. In fact, none were taken at all. They will truly suck asscheeks this year when it comes to crossing the goal line, unless you count safeties, which Im predicting Chad will have six of this year.

Fantasy football has truly become my saving grace for the past two seasons, as it is a great way to add excitement to a league when your team will inevitably stink. And aside from taking Drew Bledsoe in the sixth round, I had a pretty sweet draft. (Dont sleep on DeAngelo Williams or Reggie Bush, they will both outshine their teams respective starters by mid-season).

So for my first column of the 06-07 season I will break down 4 noteworthy games of Week 1, as well running down the rest of my picks. To start things off, who are the Jets playing??

Jets at Titans (Titans favored 2.5)

The Jets opener is bittersweet in a way, as theyll be squaring off against former All-pro center Kevin Mawae, who will be a great factor in the budding career of Vince Young. However, the game also pits the Jets against one of 5 teams (Titans, Raiders, Browns, Packers and Niners) I think they have a realistic chance of beating this year. If the Jets can win their first game of the season, think about it...they have a realistic shot at going 1-15 on the year.

I hate bashing them so much, but I've pretty much lost all faith in Chad "I have worse depth perception than a blind/deaf premature newborn" Pennington, and he is playing with a young O-line (two rookies) and running-backs-by-committee (but, unlike New Orleans or Denver, our backs suck). Add to that a defense depleted by the loss of pass-rusher John Abraham, playing under a brand new 3-4 scheme. This may take some getting used to. Losing games, that is.

Still, I have to say I like what Eric "Mangina" Mangini is doing with the team. When you're as horrible as the Jets were going into this year's draft, it's always wise to start from the core up (D and O line) and the Jets definitely solidified the latter by picking up two All-American guys in Ferguson and Mangold. As for their new 3-man front on D, I can only hope it will work out, as it will depend mostly on Dewayne Robertsons success at nose tackle and Jonathan Vilma's conversion to inside linebacker.

Well this game preview basically served as a season preview for my Jets, but what can I say, its not a very interesting game to dissect. The Titans are filled with concerns too, and I really hope they swap Collins with Young at some point in the game to at least add to the excitement. Im going to take the Jets in this one, but it wont be pretty.

Falcons at Panthers (Panthers favored 5.5)

Well, Ive been saying it for a while now, but this season is it. When he first came into the league, I immediately bought Michael Vicks number 7 jersey, after watching him almost every weekend play for Virginia Tech (remains the only college football team I ever partially followed in my life). Then I stopped wearing the jersey because the neck-hole got really stretched out (due to my large cranium), and it started to look really fruity on me.

Well Vick is kind of like that fruity neck-hole. If he keeps stretching out (i.e. running and not passing for completions) he's going to wear out and become a bust in his career. I always loved him for his athleticism and game-breaking plays, but he always threw a nice td bomb in the mix to make me think he was working on his passing game. But after a promising second year in the league, he has since not amassed 3,000 yards, and is starting to throw as many picks as touchdowns. And he doesnt throw nearly enough touchdowns as it is.

As for Carolina, they are fueled by preseason hype, and are coming off a successful year without All-pro defensive tackle Kris Jenkins, who is hopefully back in form. The main storyline for this game is the trash-talk exchange between DeAngelo Hall and Steve Smith, in which the third year cornerback was stupid enough to call out a guy who killed it last year, and is best not provoked (see Chicago Bears in last years playoffs).

Smith wisely decided not to entertain Hall's smack talk, simply rebutting that "he's barking up the wrong tree," while adding that it was a "big ass tree." The game will depend a lot on Smith's availability, who is a game-time-decision due to not one, but two pulled hamstrings. So, Im going to make it simple. If Smith plays, Panthers win. If not, Im going to give the Falcons the early division lead. (Special note, if Smith plays even one down, Im going to consider it, so he better make it count.)

Bengals at Chiefs (Chiefs favored 2.5)

Hmm...I wonder how Herm Edwards will do in KC. Regardless, he's going to appear at the post game conference saying something like this, "I tell ya, I am proud of that football team. The success of our season will be determined by how many games we win, ya hear?" I swear Edwards is a modern-day John Madden. Ony he blabs out his common-sense sound bites with more confidence and attitude, making him look less stupid and more like a smooth talking black dude.

Am I mad he left the Jets out to dry? Not really. I think he was a good motivational coach, but I want a guru, along the lines of Bellicheck and Parcells, and Mangini is a product of their school of teaching. Kansas City is replacing one motivational guy with another, so I dont see a big upside or downside in their season. The bottom line is they are playing in a 3-way division, where strength of schedule and head-to head match-ups should determine the winner.

The outlook for the Bengals is more intriguing, who are coming off a great year that was shattered by the shattered ACL of Carson Palmer. Well he's back with a leg brace, and looked pretty on point in the preseason. So hopefully, and I say this because I really enjoy watching Cincy play offense, Palmer will continue his career injury free, and Chad Johnson wont have to cry watching Anthony Wright enter the huddle. The game is the second best match-up of the week, and Im going to have to pick the Bengals to tear apart a KC secondary that has proven nothing yet.

And finally, the best game of the week, and maybe in the history of mankind...

Colts at Giants (Colts favored 3.5)

Well this is definitely the first time I'm more excited for the Giants opener than the Jets, but how can you blame me? This game has all the makings of the greatest season opener in sports history, by pitting brother vs. brother, in a clash of two very exciting teams. While everyone is picking apart the Manning match-up, I for one found out that they will actually never be on the field at the same time, and decided to do something crazy...look at this game from a team vs. team perspective.

And these teams are pretty evenly matched. They both have great pass-rushers at each end of the D-Line (Strahan and Omenyiora vs. Freeney and Mathis), and great offensive attacks. But it would be ignorant to ignore Indy's running back situation; Edge is gone, and nobody seems to think a guy who has basically hit the ground running since his rookie year will affect the Colts with his departure. I know their line is good, but Rhodes and Addai did nothing in the preseason (78 yards on 38 carries). Cause for concern? I think so.

On the other hand the Giants have Tiki "Freaky Diki" Barber following a career year, and definitely with enough gas left for 2-3 more amazing seasons. The Giants will have a clear edge in the running game this Sunday night, a game that should see both qbs getting a lot of edge pressure. (By the way, how depressing are these new Tiki Barber-Curtis Martin McDonalds commercials? What were they thinking when the shot this? I am convinced they shot it before last years season, because I dont see how they could put two guys going in totally opposite directions of their careers in the same spot. I almost feel like Tiki is going to turn to Curtis at one point and ask him "Hey, are you retiring or what?" while Martin rebuts by smiling and taking a bite out of that chicken snacker thing theyre plugging.)

OK, I guess Ill touch on the Manning match-up briefly. Right now, I still think Peyton is leagues above his little brother, in how he produces and especially how he runs an offense. Peyton is the optimal playmaker in the league, while Eli is trying to imitate his game (spying defense coverage and calling audibles) but is simply not as successful. And if you want to compare their stats at the same point of their career, I'll negate their rookie seasons, and look at the ever-telling sophomore numbers for both guys (Peyton-62.1percentage, 4135 yards, 26 tds, 15 picks) vs. (Eli- 52.8, 3762, 24, 17). Nuff said.

Finally, Peyton, despite his off-season reputation, has that winning charisma that Eli also lacks. Hes a personable, funny guy, as noted by that new commercial where he wears a fake mustache and wig for no reason. Eli on the other hand is a bit slow. He's the type of guy who would watch one of those break-dancing groups on subway cars that do summersaults rolls down the aisle, and Eli would be spinning his head around, smiling with every rotation, clapping, while drool slowly rolled down his chin. (I shouldnt have typed that, I actually found out he had trouble learning how to read as a child). In any case, Im taking the Giants. Until next time.

Remaining picks for the week
Denver over St. Louis
New England over Buffalo
Baltimore over Tampa Bay
Seattle over Detroit
Philadelphia over Houston (Lock pick)
New Orleans over Cleveland
Dallas over Jacksonville
Chicago over Green Bay
Arizona over San Fran
Minnesota over Washington
San Diego over Oakland